The Good and the Bad

The days following Ryder's birth were very challenging for us in terms of hurdles to face for such a small baby. Jaundice levels were high, and he had to sleep on bilirubin lights for the first week (which meant we couldn't hold him except for feedings). He lost 10% of his body weight before we left the hospital, only weighing 5lbs 2oz. His blood sugar was too low. All of this (along with postpartum hormones) had me breaking down in front of most of the hospital staff.

Here are some of the good and bad parts of Ryder's first few months:

the good: Ella took to her baby brother really quickly, and she was an incredible help.
the bad: After a week I started hearing things like, "Ryder is taking over you" and "You love Ryder more than me." It broke my heart. I feel guilt every day for not being able to give Ella the kind of attention I used to.
the good: Ryder slept extremely well the first week, always being able to put himself to sleep when we laid him down.
the bad: That only lasted a week. After he was taken off the bilirubin lights we held him as much as our hearts desired. He didn't want to go back to sleeping in a bassinet when he could cuddle in our arms. This made the nights hard.the good: The jaundice levels started going down after a week.
the bad: His poor little heels were pricked over 11 times to make sure the levels were dropping. [Side-note: the very first pediatric appointment where Ryder had to get his heel pricked, Ella held his hand and sang "You are My Sunshine." Sweet girl. That is now the go-to song that Ella sings to him when he is upset.
the good: Ryder put on weight really quickly. One months: 7lbs 15oz. Two months: 10lbs 13oz.
the bad: He wanted to nurse every two hours during the night for weeks on end..

the good: Every immediate family member has been able to visit in the last two months.
the bad: Our camera was missing for that time (and during the holidays), and we have no pictures to document it.

the good: At four weeks John and I were able to get 6 consecutive hours of sleep.
the bad: It was because the monitor stopped working, and we never heard Ryder wake up. We panicked and ran into the nursery and realized what had happened. I cried off and on for the next few days because I felt so awful about it. It happened to be the very first night we tried him in his crib. He took such good naps there that we thought he might sleep better there than in his bassinet beside our bed. Of course after this incident we brought him back into our room to spend the next 6 weeks. Bless his heart, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it.

the good: Ryder was born with the darkest, softest, most wonderful head of hair.
the bad: Most of it has fallen out due to being kissed so much :)

the good: Physical pain after delivery was minimal. I never needed pain meds after I left the hospital. Vastly different from Ella's delivery.
the bad: Emotionally...lets just say postpartum hormones were interesting.

the good: Ryder has always been easy to put down for naps.
the bad: Bedtime is a different story. This last week in particular has been a nightmare in terms of getting him down (and staying down) in order to establish a consistent bedtime.

the good: Our dogs, Sophie and Sissy, are so sweet with Ryder.
the bad: SO sweet--in fact--that Sophie thinks she must lick him every time he is within a few feet of her. We stop her when we see it, but it has gotten to the point where she will run by before we notice and lick the back of his head at the same time. A 'drive-by licking,' if you will.

the good: I've been able to get out and about much sooner than I did with Ella.
the bad: I am late to everything. I never seem to plan feedings right.

the bad: We still can't seem find a way to change his diaper without him sprinkling. We are constantly changing his clothes and the changing pad cover.

the bad: The house is never as clean as I want it to be. I can never get on top of laundry or vacuuming. In fact, here are some war-zone/bedroom pictures a few days after Ryder came home. Notice the bilirubin lights machine beside the bassinet. Or the fact that our bed has no bedding because I had tried to change his diaper on it, and he sprinkled everywhere. A suitcase laying around waiting to be unpacked.

the bad: I look frumpy every day. Clothes still don't fit right, so sweat pants and t-shirts are the usual attire. And, I need a haircut like you would not believe. I guess this part is more "bad" for John. I don't think Ryder minds.

the good: Ryder smiles all the time. His dimples are very disarming.

the best: I realize every day how much of a privilege it is that God chose John and me to raise these two sweet children. And I wouldn't trade one sleep-deprived, chaotic, unpredictable second of it for anything.