What a bittersweet milestone this is for us. When Ella was 12 weeks old, I had to go back to work. It was so hard, but it was what we had to do at that time. I count my blessings daily for the fact that I get to stay home with our children now. Or rather, the fact that I have a choice. That could change in an instant. Sometimes I reread old posts ( like this one, this one, and this one) , and I'm humbled with what God has allowed to happen so that we might be where we are today. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have worried a bit. But I didn't know what was in store for us. I could only see what was happening in the moment. It was one of the scariest, most uncertain times in our entire lives. I am so glad that I documented it to remind me that sometimes God's answer isn't no. It's not right now. His timing is perfect, but it doesn't always feel that way when you are in the midst of turmoil. Four and a half months of anxiety and fear weighed heavily on top of us until this happened.
So much has changed since I first started blogging. We've encountered some painful trials, but we've also witnessed some pretty amazing miracles. The story mentioned above is one. My pregnancy with Ryder is another one. The health and recovery of someone I love too much for words is also a miracle. Nothing makes you reexamine priorities like watching someone suffer and fight for their life.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the little things that they begin to feel like big things:
*Near constant exhaustion.
*Rarely getting the chance to catch up with friends or family.
*Holding down the fort with two kids while John goes on business trips out of town. Thank goodness this doesn't happen often.
*Working within a tight budget.
*House often being a mess.
*The sudden horrifying realization that I have been wearing the same pair of pajamas for the last 3 days.
*Telling Ella to clean her room for the 4th day in a row (while taking away TV privileges, computer privileges, and play date privileges) only to check on her an hour later and find her asleep in her bed. Room still a disaster:
I know this post won't mean much to most people, but it really makes me stop and think when I look back over the last few years. What would my life look like had He not intervened?
I pray to be ever mindful of the many blessings we have been given and to catch myself when I begin to focus on the small things. Especially on the tough days.
A video that makes me smile:
Some pictures from the last few weeks:
John and a little helper working under the crib to raise the mattress:
Dear God, thanks for this beautiful life. And for miracles.
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