Smiths in Colorado

Reality Check

2012-01-24T15:06:00.000-06:00

What a bittersweet milestone this is for us. When Ella was 12 weeks old, I had to go back to work. It was so hard, but it was what we had to do at that time. I count my blessings daily for the fact that I get to stay home with our children now. Or rather, the fact that I have a choice. That could change in an instant. Sometimes I reread old posts ( like this one, this one, and this one) , and I'm humbled with what God has allowed to happen so that we might be where we are today. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have worried a bit. But I didn't know what was in store for us. I could only see what was happening in the moment. It was one of the scariest, most uncertain times in our entire lives. I am so glad that I documented it to remind me that sometimes God's answer isn't no. It's not right now. His timing is perfect, but it doesn't always feel that way when you are in the midst of turmoil. Four and a half months of anxiety and fear weighed heavily on top of us until this happened.

So much has changed since I first started blogging. We've encountered some painful trials, but we've also witnessed some pretty amazing miracles. The story mentioned above is one. My pregnancy with Ryder is another one. The health and recovery of someone I love too much for words is also a miracle. Nothing makes you reexamine priorities like watching someone suffer and fight for their life.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the little things that they begin to feel like big things:

*Near constant exhaustion.
*Rarely getting the chance to catch up with friends or family.
*Holding down the fort with two kids while John goes on business trips out of town. Thank goodness this doesn't happen often.
*Working within a tight budget.
*House often being a mess.
*The sudden horrifying realization that I have been wearing the same pair of pajamas for the last 3 days.
*Telling Ella to clean her room for the 4th day in a row (while taking away TV privileges, computer privileges, and play date privileges) only to check on her an hour later and find her asleep in her bed. Room still a disaster:

Every now and then I forget the grand scope of what God has allowed to happen in our lives. Sometimes I'll be sitting here worried about trivial things, and John says, "Can you even believe this life? Our children? We have it so good." Sometimes I am the one to say it to him.

I know this post won't mean much to most people, but it really makes me stop and think when I look back over the last few years. What would my life look like had He not intervened?

I pray to be ever mindful of the many blessings we have been given and to catch myself when I begin to focus on the small things. Especially on the tough days.

A video that makes me smile:

Some pictures from the last few weeks:

John and a little helper working under the crib to raise the mattress:

Dear God, thanks for this beautiful life. And for miracles.

Picture Post (Daddy Edition)

2012-01-17T12:30:00.000-06:00

The Good and the Bad

2012-01-12T11:47:00.003-06:00

The days following Ryder's birth were very challenging for us in terms of hurdles to face for such a small baby. Jaundice levels were high, and he had to sleep on bilirubin lights for the first week (which meant we couldn't hold him except for feedings). He lost 10% of his body weight before we left the hospital, only weighing 5lbs 2oz. His blood sugar was too low. All of this (along with postpartum hormones) had me breaking down in front of most of the hospital staff.

Here are some of the good and bad parts of Ryder's first few months:

the good: Ella took to her baby brother really quickly, and she was an incredible help.
the bad: After a week I started hearing things like, "Ryder is taking over you" and "You love Ryder more than me." It broke my heart. I feel guilt every day for not being able to give Ella the kind of attention I used to.
the good: Ryder slept extremely well the first week, always being able to put himself to sleep when we laid him down.
the bad: That only lasted a week. After he was taken off the bilirubin lights we held him as much as our hearts desired. He didn't want to go back to sleeping in a bassinet when he could cuddle in our arms. This made the nights hard.the good: The jaundice levels started going down after a week.
the bad: His poor little heels were pricked over 11 times to make sure the levels were dropping. [Side-note: the very first pediatric appointment where Ryder had to get his heel pricked, Ella held his hand and sang "You are My Sunshine." Sweet girl. That is now the go-to song that Ella sings to him when he is upset.
the good: Ryder put on weight really quickly. One months: 7lbs 15oz. Two months: 10lbs 13oz.
the bad: He wanted to nurse every two hours during the night for weeks on end..

the good: Every immediate family member has been able to visit in the last two months.
the bad: Our camera was missing for that time (and during the holidays), and we have no pictures to document it.

the good: At four weeks John and I were able to get 6 consecutive hours of sleep.
the bad: It was because the monitor stopped working, and we never heard Ryder wake up. We panicked and ran into the nursery and realized what had happened. I cried off and on for the next few days because I felt so awful about it. It happened to be the very first night we tried him in his crib. He took such good naps there that we thought he might sleep better there than in his bassinet beside our bed. Of course after this incident we brought him back into our room to spend the next 6 weeks. Bless his heart, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it.

the good: Ryder was born with the darkest, softest, most wonderful head of hair.
the bad: Most of it has fallen out due to being kissed so much :)

the good: Physical pain after delivery was minimal. I never needed pain meds after I left the hospital. Vastly different from Ella's delivery.
the bad: Emotionally...lets just say postpartum hormones were interesting.

the good: Ryder has always been easy to put down for naps.
the bad: Bedtime is a different story. This last week in particular has been a nightmare in terms of getting him down (and staying down) in order to establish a consistent bedtime.

the good: Our dogs, Sophie and Sissy, are so sweet with Ryder.
the bad: SO sweet--in fact--that Sophie thinks she must lick him every time he is within a few feet of her. We stop her when we see it, but it has gotten to the point where she will run by before we notice and lick the back of his head at the same time. A 'drive-by licking,' if you will.

the good: I've been able to get out and about much sooner than I did with Ella.
the bad: I am late to everything. I never seem to plan feedings right.

the bad: We still can't seem find a way to change his diaper without him sprinkling. We are constantly changing his clothes and the changing pad cover.

the bad: The house is never as clean as I want it to be. I can never get on top of laundry or vacuuming. In fact, here are some war-zone/bedroom pictures a few days after Ryder came home. Notice the bilirubin lights machine beside the bassinet. Or the fact that our bed has no bedding because I had tried to change his diaper on it, and he sprinkled everywhere. A suitcase laying around waiting to be unpacked.

the bad: I look frumpy every day. Clothes still don't fit right, so sweat pants and t-shirts are the usual attire. And, I need a haircut like you would not believe. I guess this part is more "bad" for John. I don't think Ryder minds.

the good: Ryder smiles all the time. His dimples are very disarming.

the best: I realize every day how much of a privilege it is that God chose John and me to raise these two sweet children. And I wouldn't trade one sleep-deprived, chaotic, unpredictable second of it for anything.

Ryder's Birth Story (Part 2)

2012-01-09T12:02:00.016-06:00

By 10:00 pm I was comfortably settled into a delivery suite. My doctor arrived soon after to check me and said I was at a 6. He broke my water so that things would continue along at a good pace. I panicked at this part, though, because it was after my water broke with Ella that I was brought to my knees with contractions. Thankfully, the anesthesiologist breezed in the doorway 20 minutes later. I had yet to have a painful contraction. I never knew delivery could be this way. Relaxed. My parents, Ella, and my brother, Andy, visited with us for about the next hour. Midnight came and went, and John and I discussed how we had made it. We were going to have a full-term baby (just barely). God had granted us exactly what we asked of him. Not only to keep our child inside until he was ready but also to help us to know when it was time to go to the hospital so that we might have a different delivery experience from the first time. We were so thankful and happy.

At 2 (ish) am I was checked again and told I was at a 7. A few minutes later I took a turn for the worse, and my blood pressure dropped to 50/25. I felt like I was about to faint. The nurse said that it was probably because I was about to deliver. She called the anesthesiologist back in to give me some more medicine via IV and checked me again. I was at a 10. I went from a 7 to a 10 in 5 minutes. Yes, 5 minutes. This is where I go back to the decision to call the doctor earlier that afternoon. If I had not called the doctor about those painless/irregular/frequent contractions I would have ended up going to sleep that night and waking up probably by my water breaking and being in the same situation as last time. Or much worse.

The doctor walked in about the same time that I noticed nurses turning on the warming lights above the infant bed. A NICU doctor and nurse were also present due to the fact that we were just barely full-term. My labor and delivery nurse said, "Are you ready to meet your baby?" It was time to push. Nurses were busy all around us, but I felt like it was only John and me in the room. I pushed for about 10 minutes, and my nurse asked if I wanted the baby placed on my tummy. Due to the fact that I was paralyzed by pain and fear during Ella's birth, this question had never been directed toward me before. I said 'yes' and within a minute Ryder was placed on my stomach. I was crying by this point and cupping my hand around his tiny face and saying, "He's perfect. He's absolutely perfect." I looked at John, and in that instant we shared a moment that was so intimate and special as we held our baby. I kept looking back and forth between Ryder and John because I wanted to memorize John's face at that moment. But I was so in awe of Ryder. His soft, dark hair. His tiny round head. All the months of day dreaming about what he might look like couldn't have prepared me for reality of it..
I know it sounds like a no-thrills, textbook delivery to most, but to a couple who had experienced the complete opposite end of the spectrum the first time...it was Heaven. Unfortunately, there was always a constant duality at work within me. Every time I would think how wonderful Ryder's birth was, it would immediately sadden me to think of Ella's. For Ryder's delivery we couldn't wait to meet him and were so excited, and for Ella's all we could focus on was getting through it.

A little while later John went to the waiting room to tell the good news to our tired family. We decided beforehand that we would bring Ella in to meet Ryder first. The entire trip from the waiting room to the delivery room John held a sleepy Ella that kept saying, "I'm just so happy. I can't stop smiling." Her reaction to Ryder was priceless. She didn't get to hold him until the next day, but she repeated over and over, "I love him so much. I can't believe I love him so much."
I knew I needed to rest, but all I wanted to do was stare at Ryder. Hold him. Kiss his cheeks and hair. I don't think there is anything better than running your nose through the swirl of newborn hair at the crown of their head. Bliss. Every time I discovered a new feature for the first time on Ryder's little body it felt like unwrapping a tiny treasure. The dimples on his hand. The red "stork bite" on the back of his neck (that needed to be kissed at least once an hour). The soft skin behind his knees. His warm tummy.

A few hours later we were exhausted but still on a high from adrenaline as we received our trays of food for breakfast. Ryder was asleep in my arms as John and I prayed and thanked God for all we had been blessed with. A full-term pregnancy. Two healthy children. A perfect delivery. Everything had been mercifully granted and then some. We felt like we had won the lottery. We finally fell into sleep that afternoon with our hearts full and our son---our beautiful son--sleeping in the bassinet beside us.

Ryder's Birth Story (Part 1)

2012-01-07T10:20:00.004-06:00

"Birth is the sudden opening of a window, through which you look out upon a stupendous prospect. For what has happened? A miracle. You have exchanged nothing for the possibility of everything." ~William MacNeile Dixon

I figured I better sit down and type this now before I start forgetting the details. Here is how I remember Ryder's entry into our lives...

I woke up the morning of Saturday, October 29th (36 weeks and 6 days pregnant) feeling about the same as I had the entire week before. Uncomfortable, tired, and lots of contractions. I had been having braxton hicks for months, but the 10 days leading up to that morning they had come much more often. On average, I would have about 6 an hour. Some were strong and some were not too bad. So contractions didn't mean impending labor for me like they do to most people. They were just part of my pregnancy.

The day before I had actually gone into the doctor's office due to mild pain in my stomach. The doctor said it seemed to be caused from a healthy growing baby. He checked me, and I was at a 3 and a half. I had been at a 3 for the last two weeks. I was also 90% effaced, which had first been discovered at 30 weeks (along with being 2 cm dilated). So we knew one thing for certain: I was going to deliver super fast again.

If you were to look inside our home at that time you would find lots of random pieces of paper where I had written down contractions. For days I would think they were coming closer together, only to find out after monitoring them for an hour that they weren't. To say I was on high-alert to detect any sign of labor was an understatement. And let me tell you, a couple weeks of being on high-alert takes a toll on someone. Nevertheless, that afternoon I started to track the contractions again.

After looking over the time intervals I noticed that one thing was different...I never went more than 8 minutes without a contraction. Some were 2 minutes apart, some 4 minutes apart, some 7 minutes apart, etc. They were highly irregular, so that made me think it wasn't labor. My parents had offered to watch Ella that evening so that John and I could go out on a date. So I took a shower, got dressed, and continued monitoring contractions. The first hour I tracked them, I had 12 irregular contractions. I was hesitant about calling the on-call doctor on a weekend because I really felt that there was no way I was in labor. My mom prompted me to give the doctor a call anyway. That call was the best decision I could have made.

The doctor told me to go to the hospital and get checked. He said, "It is probably nothing, but we want to be safe." By this time it was about 8 pm. John and I were driving on the highway to the hospital thinking, "There is no way this is it. No way. This is way too easy". We decided that we would just go to a restaurant after the hospital to have our date.

There would be no dinner to be had that night. The nurse checked me and said, "Oh yeah, you are in labor. You're dilated to a 5 and a half." I was shocked. In the parking lot before we entered the hospital I had prayed, "God, if this baby is physically ready, please let him be born tonight." I had been so worried about making it to the hospital in time and having a horrendous delivery experience like last time. We were weary from false-calls and months of apprehension.

It seemed we had beaten the clock this time. We were right where we needed to be at the perfect time. I looked at John and teared up. I couldn't believe we were about to meet our baby.
To be continued...

Back in the Saddle Again

2012-01-03T14:38:00.006-06:00

Sort of. I only have just enough time to complete a picture post because Ryder is starting to wake up from his nap. I cannot believe I let so much time go by without adding any pictures of our newest little peanut. We're quite smitten with him...and so is his big sister.

Computer Problems

2011-11-14T13:29:00.003-06:00

I wish this could be a normal post about our lives recently--particularly the birth of our son, Ryder, but I think that might take me a year to write on this silly iPod touch. Our computer decided to crash days before the delivery (37 weeks pregnant exactly! Thank the Lord!). We are in the process of deciding whether or not to pay for someone to fix it or just get a new one. I just wanted to say thank you for all the prayers. We are just in awe of God's grace during this time. And as an added bonus, the delivery went....AMAZING. Amazing because I got to the hospital in time for an epidural and amazing because I could then focus on the joy of our child entering the world. Ryder was born at 2:34 AM on October 30th, weighing 5 lbs 11 oz. I can't wait to sit down and write his delivery story soon. I can't even express our gratitude enough to those of you who lifted our family up in prayer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Maternity Pictures

2011-09-26T12:17:00.009-05:00

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

I am so happy to be able to say that I am officially 32 weeks, and at my doctor's appointment this morning we discovered that I am no further progressed than I was 10 days ago. Prayers answered. Our next goal is to make it to the 34-week mark. Strict bed rest has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Laying in bed most of the day begins to really take its toll on a person by the 2nd or 3rd consecutive day. Luckily, my doctor has changed my bed rest from strict to modified. My parents have been such a big help with Ella. I have no idea how we could get through something like this without them.

I booked a photographer for maternity pictures back in early July hoping that we could get outside and take advantage of Colorado's beautiful fall foliage, but bed rest changed all of that. Cija (of 3 wishes photography) was accommodating and sweet enough to come to our home instead. Here are just a few of them:

The fact that we are at a much different place than the last time I wrote fills me with such peace. Of course we aren't going to jump the gun or anything, but a full-term pregnancy feels a little bit more in reach. And we would love more than anything for this pumpkin to arrive developed enough not to have any NICU stay. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the prayers and words of encouragement.

Magnesium Sulfate, You are Not a Friend of Mine.

2011-09-18T11:57:00.006-05:00

After a scary 3-night hospital stay, I am home and on strict bed rest. Today I am 31 weeks pregnant, and I seriously thought we would be delivering this little boy a couple of days ago. Here is a rundown of our experience:

Wednesday afternoon- Went to my routine high-risk doctor appt. I had been feeling pretty tired all day but nothing major. Everything took a turn for the worse when I was told at the appt that I was 90% effaced and 2 cm dilated. I was told to check into the hospital and await results of my fetal fibronectin enzyme test. I had taken 3 fetal fibronectin tests in the last 6 weeks, and all had come back negative...indicating no sign of impending labor/delivery. While I was hooked up to a contraction/fetal heartbeat monitor, I was informed that this test came back positive.

Wednesday evening- I was given the choice whether or not to get a magnesium sulfate treatment (via iv infusion). My doctor that was on-call informed me that there wasn't a lot of research indicating that this treatment stopped labor contractions, but there was a chance that it could protect preemies against cerebral palsy. He explained that it makes you feel like you have the flu and that the choice was ultimately up to me---but that my high-risk doctor preferred for me to take it. We discussed how if I could at least get an extra 48 hours out of this pregnancy, then I would be able to get the 2 steroid shots to boost the baby's lungs before delivery. On a final note, my doctor disclosed that magnesium sulfate can be dangerous (for the mother) if not monitored during administration. Things like cardiac arrest were one of the "rare" things that could happen. Due to the fact that it could possibly protect this little guy's brain I opted to take it.

Wednesday night - I was given my first steroid shot for baby's lungs. An IV was started, and the magnesium bag was in place. From then on, everything went downhill. For some reason, I had a severe reaction to the treatment. At first I noticed hot flashes and thought..."Well, this is crummy, but I can deal with this." About 20 minutes into it, something felt terribly wrong. I started feeling pressure in my chest and could hardly breathe. Machines started beeping, and I heard my nurse on the phone with my doctor saying that my blood pressure had plummeted to 50 over 20. An oxygen mask was placed over my face as two more nurses ran in. Before I knew it, I was being given an EKG test which measures for problems with electrical activity of the heart. The electrodes had trouble sticking to my skin because I had broken out in a sweat. The magnesium sulfate treatment was stopped and an extra IV line was set up to flush fluids into my system. It may have been one of the scariest moments of my life. They called it magnesium intolerance.

For the rest of the night, my blood pressure never rose above 69 over 40. Contractions were coming about 2 minutes apart for hours on end. They were painful. I was given morphine to dull the pain and potentially slow down the contractions. I got about an hour of sleep that night and just knew this baby was coming.

Thursday morning - Contractions had slowed to about 7 minutes apart. Hallelujah. Both my high-risk doctor and OB were confused. The high-risk doctor ordered an amniocentesis to see if perhaps there was an amniotic fluid infection that was maybe causing the contractions. He told me before the amnio that if an infection was found they would have to induce labor that same day to get the baby out. And because nothing seemed to be routine with this pregnancy, the amnio was very difficult too. Thankfully, the results showed no infection.

Thursday evening - I got my final dose of steroids to boost the baby's lungs. Contractions had become irregular and spaced out.

Friday - By Friday evening, I had reached the 48-hour mark after initial dose of steroids. We were now at a point where the steroids had time to work if the baby were to be delivered. Of course a baby born this early still had months ahead in NICU.

Saturday - Saturday showed no sign of regular contractions. I had not dilated any further. I was released to go home. As much as I wanted to sleep in my own bed, I was nervous about being away from the hospital staff who could intervene if something changed.

Our next milestone is the 32-week mark. Of course this pregnancy could still go full-term, but the chances of that happening are not great. Thankfully, my parents are here and able to help with Ella or take me to the hospital if John is at work.

*We are so thankful for all the prayers lifted up for this child and all the people that reached out to us when we were most vulnerable. In my heart, I just know it is only an act of God that miraculously changed the course of this weekend.

A Week of Firsts

2011-08-29T08:36:00.006-05:00

Ella had her first full week of school last week. She seems to love it. The first day we picked her up she was a little quiet, but the rest of the week she had lots to say. Apparently there is even a boy in her class that is "cute." Of course John and I suffered from a case of whiplash after this enlightening comment. WHAT?! We have never in our lives heard her refer to another boy as "cute." This is only kindergarten! Is that even normal?! We tried to play it cool and act neutral as John endured heart palpitations and breathed into a paper bag. Okay, maybe not the paper bag part. He did notice six gray hairs that evening.

Now, Ella seems to have forgotten about her disclosure so we are not pursuing it. Yet. We wonder if she heard a classmate say something similar or maybe it was in a movie she watched. I reached far back in my memory and vaguely remember thinking boys were cute in kindergarten. John said that he didn't think girls were cute until he was about 23. Just kidding. But he did say it happened much later in elementary school for boys. In case it does come up again, we are prepared and are determined not freak out like the first time.

Over the course of last week, I tried to snap a couple of pictures before school each day. It is a shame that Ella is so shy in front of the camera that I can barely get her to smile. The last thing she would ever do is pose: I mean, I have to force her to take more than one picture: We are really going to have to work on that camera shyness:In other news....I am officially in the 3rd trimester! 28 weeks to be exact. Here are the stats: I have seen my regular OB 2 times in the last 4 weeks, I've seen the high-risk fetal specialist 3 times in the last 4 weeks, and have had 3 ultrasounds in the last 4 weeks. So this has been a busy month. I am on "modified bed-rest" due to my symptoms of pre-term labor. I always thought it would be wonderful to be on bed-rest because you could just read the whole time or watch TV. But it is really horribly boring. And my house is a mess, so that makes me irritable. John is doing so much, and I know that must be hard to work a full day and then come home and do everything.

One of my toughest symptoms is not being able to breath very well when I lay down. It feels like breathing through a straw sometimes. I have heartburn often too. Other than those two things, I don't have too much to complain about.

Before church:Ella loves to take pictures with our camera. She took this one of her sunflower that she planted in the spring and just recently bloomed: Ella and Snowflake: This past summer I was blessed to be invited into an amazing Bible study by my sweet neighbor, Hannah. It was Beth Moore's Fruit of the Spirit Bible study, and it was truly life-changing. I met an incredible group of girls that also happened to throw me a surprise baby shower on the last night. I had never done a Beth Moore Bible study so I had no idea how much homework was involved. In fact, it was a little overwhelming at first. But it was truly one of the best time/spiritual investments I have ever made.

This week I have two more doctor appointments. Hopefully, they will both yield positive feedback. Thank you to those who have kept us in your prayers. It is so comforting and so much appreciated.

Company, Anniversary, & Kindergarten!

2011-08-22T10:59:00.014-05:00

Our weekend began on Thursday when my parents-in-law, LaDonna and Johnny, came in from Texas for a visit! What a treat it was to see them and spend time catching up. Unfortunately, the majority of their visit I spent laying on the couch because I am on bed-rest. I didn't clean or cook. Basically, I was the worst hostess ever. Thank goodness they helped out so much with Ella and household chores.

Gam Gam and Pepaw gave Ella her birthday present (a.k.a. present that fulfilled her WILDEST dreams), a Barbie Townhouse. I don't think they realized that this gift would require them to participate in the Barbie fantasy play: Sunday happened to be John and my 7 year anniversary. The Smiths watched Ella while we went out for dinner:

We decided that the picture above did not do justice to my 27-week pregnant tummy, so I turned sideways and we took another one that captured it much more accurately. It was twice that size when we finished dinner:

We ate on the rooftop patio of La Sandia Mexican restaurant. It was a beautiful summer evening.

We were even able to watch the rain come in over the Rockies: Monday morning the Smiths headed back home and our Ella-Bella started kindergarten. She was so excited that she woke up at 6:15 A.M. and dressed herself in her school uniform before going downstairs. John worked from home so that he could bring her to school with me.

On our way out the door:

By the time this picture was taken I had already broken down a few times:
Dropping Ella off was heart-breaking. Everything started out fine until it was time to go into the classroom. Ella immediately turned to me and started crying and saying she didn't want us to leave her. I wiped away her tears as mine started. I could hardly talk because I didn't want her to know how unstable I was. John and I told her that we would be back soon to take her out to lunch (most Colorado kindergartens are only half-day), but when we looked into the window of her classroom we noticed her teacher still wiping Ella's tears away :( It was so hard. John and I got in the car afterward and just felt....sad. We missed Ella so much and hated leaving when she was so upset.

That brings us to the present. It is 10:42 A.M., and we are just counting down the minutes until we can pick her up. How pathetic are we? Hopefully things went much better after we left. My pregnancy hormones can't take much more of this.

Ella's 5th Birthday

2011-08-15T09:55:00.009-05:00

"Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again."

The morning of August 6th, we woke up early and prepared frantically for a very special birthday party. My mom drove in to help us with all the prep work the night before.

We first decorated the back porch with some Chinese lanterns I found online:

Next, we cut fruit and made animal cracker sandwich cookies (with buttercream frosting): Finally, the bounce house truck pulled up and set up the biggest bounce house (with an attached water slide) I have ever seen. There were a few moments of panic over whether or not it would fit in our yard.
Quickly after the bounce house was ready people started showing up! And of course I got busy and totally forgot to pick up my camera for the next few hours except to take a few videos.

Ella's real birthday fell on August 11th. So John took that Thursday off, and the three of us spent the day going to see Smurfs and swimming.

26 Weeks Pregnant:

My worst symptom these days seems to be lower back ache, specifically my left side. I'm really not sleeping all that much either due to constant kicks and jabs. I hope the fact that baby boy is most active at night is not an indicator of how things will be after delivery. We are slowly but surely getting things ready in the nursery. I am now not only seeing my regular OB, but I am also seeing a high-risk fetal specialist every 2 weeks. There are a few things that indicate I might go into preterm labor, so they are taking extra precautions. In fact, at my 24 week appointment I had to take a test which can predict if my body will go into labor in the next 2 weeks. It detects an enzyme that is present right before labor begins. Fortunately, it came back negative which meant that there was a 95% chance I would not go into labor in the next two weeks.
So here we are at 26 weeks, and I will most likely take the same test again tomorrow at my appointment to make sure I won't deliver before 28 weeks...and so on until I'm well into the 3rd trimester. If the test were to come back positive, we would get much more proactive and start progesterone shots and bed-rest.

If you have a few extra prayers to spare we sure would appreciate one being sent this way. We are really hoping this little guy stays put until he is ready.

Dear Ella,

2011-08-02T09:16:00.007-05:00

"Sweet sweet baby, I said maybe
Maybe you should stay with me .
Sweet sweet baby, I think maybe
Maybe you shouldn’t leave..."

- Michelle Featherstone

It has been a long time since I have written a post just for you, sweetheart. Right now you are upstairs under all your blankets, cuddled up with about 10 stuffed animals. I can afford to let you sleep in until 8 or 9 and then have a lazy breakfast in your jammies. For a couple more weeks we can spend our mornings laying in bed together, discussing all the things we can do during the day just like we have for the last 3 years. For a couple more weeks you'll still be our baby.

And then you start Kindergarten.

It is so ironic how we have both planned, prepared, and looked forward to such a milestone. Now...now, I feel differently. Now I am panicked and thinking that there is not enough time left. I feel guilty about not playing all the little games you always asked me to play because I have been too busy or have not had enough energy. I realize that our long, drawn-out mornings are about to become hectic. Your daddy and I realize how much you don't like to be rushed, and we are already anticipating challenging beginnings of each day:)

I know you are ready for all the excitement of new friends, a new schedule, and learning new things...but am I ready? Am I ready to not have you come down the stairs every morning only to hug me and cuddle up in my lap for as long as we want? Am I ready to come home every morning to a quiet house and not hear you singing in the next room? Have I talked enough about strangers? About looking both ways for cars? About how much I love you? I read all the time about bullying, and I wonder if I am ready to release you into a world in which I am not there to protect you every minute.

You have been the most amazing blessing. Because of you, I know what it really means to love unconditionally. And because I love you unconditionally....I know what it means to be completely vulnerable. I do believe that it is impossible to love someone so much and not (every now and then) think about how much it would crush you to lose them. Now, I know that you starting school doesn't mean I am losing you, but it sure does make me reexamine priorities. Our lives are about to change. It really makes me appreciate the opportunity that I have had these last few years to spend so much time with you. We've definitely had our not-so-good days, haven't we pumpkin? But it has still been my every dream.

You are the sweetest, most special little girl I have ever had the joy of knowing. Thank you for giving me what I have always wanted most.

I love you, Ella. More than you can even imagine.

We Really Should Have Seen This Coming

2011-07-19T08:39:00.003-05:00

If you were to step inside our house right now, this is what you might encounter. I love how even her hands are perfectly placed for a pregnancy picture.

Back up a few months. This is the child who would tell me from the backseat while we are on the highway, "Oh this is not good. I'm about to throw up." John and I seriously almost pulled over a few times thinking Ella had some sort of new car-sickness issue. We would panic and ask, "Are you for real about to throw-up or are you just pretending?" She would think the question over and respond, "For real!" We frantically searched for the closest exit until we heard her go back to singing along with the radio. Ummm, okaaaay? Different versions of this scenario happened every couple of days.

I am embarrassed to say that it took us a few weeks to figure out what was going on. By coincidence, I was also sick every day during those months due to beloved early pregnancy symptoms. It seems that our little barnacle picked up on the fact that I was getting a little extra attention for it. We realized what was going on the day we were pulling out of our garage and heard, "I need to eat something now. I feel nauseous." It was too tempting not to ask if she knew what the word nauseous meant. Ella replied, "It means that my tummy needs to eat right now."

The best part is that after she "delivered" the baby under her shirt (which actually turned out to be a pink and white puppy), Ella proceeded to put her plastic baby bottle up to her belly button to "fill it with milk." Kind of like a soda dispenser. Obviously, there are some holes in this theory, but we aren't challenging them just yet :)

21 Weeks

2011-07-11T08:58:00.004-05:00

We've officially crossed the half-way mark! The nausea has mostly disappeared, and the exhaustion is on its way out (hopefully). I don't really feel tired as much as I just feel lazy. I wish that nesting thing would kick in. I have zero desire to do housework or anything productive. And when it finally is bedtime, I can't sleep. Sometimes it is because I am uncomfortable, but other times I just can't pinpoint the reason. So I never really feel rested.

Other than the occasional aches and pains and light headedness (that I don't remember from my first pregnancy), things are going smoothly. My most unpleasant symptom is too embarrassing to mention on this blog; so I'll be sparing you the details of that. You're welcome.

The highlight of our day is feeling and watching the baby move and kick. It is amazing how long I can just lay there and watch my stomach move up and down. Involuntarily my hand always seems to rest on my stomach when I feel movement. I'll never take that sensation for granted. It is something I sorely missed after I delivered Ella.

I'm slowly but surely starting to allow myself to think about the delivery. The OBGYN that I had back in Fort Worth told me that many women can even experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after a particularly difficult delivery. In fact, the first time I really let my mind go there about 10 weeks ago, I got sick in the shower. We now live about 20 minutes from the hospital so I told John he may need to google 'how to deliver a baby.' He didn't think that was too funny. I take comfort in thinking that surely the odds of one woman having two scary birth experiences in a row must be extremely low. Like maybe 1 in 1,000,000,000...right?

Truth be told, I would gladly (well, maybe not gladly) take another birth experience like the first one if it meant we got the prize at the end. Pleeeease let that not be the case, though.

My anxiety disorder aside, I feel so grateful to be pregnant again. We know what a blessing and miracle and gift this experience is. The fact that we waited so long for this child makes us even more cognizant of God's grace and perfect timing.

21 weeks:

Oh, and one more thing...

we're

having

BOY!!

Babymoon in California

2011-07-06T09:11:00.000-05:00

"Leaving San Francisco is like saying goodbye to an old sweetheart. You want to linger as long as possible. " - Walter Cronkite

During late June, John and I made a last-minute decision to take one final get-a-way before baby comes along in a couple of months. John had to be in the bay area of California for work, and on a whim we decided it would be fun for me to come too. Leaving Ella was hard, though. Excruciating.

My parents had come in to stay with her the week of our trip, and the plan was to leave for the airport early in the morning before everyone was awake. We had already told Ella goodbye the night prior. However, before we left I heard her bedroom door open and footfalls on the carpet. Ella was in her jammies with her puppy in her arms. The sight alone broke my heart, and that was before she started crying and asking me not to go. She finally told me to open her blinds in her room so that she could watch and wave as we drove away. Can we have a more pitiful departure? John and I gave her one last hug and told her how much we loved her. We got in the car and started pulling out of the driveway. I saw Ella wave from her bedroom window, and then she put her head in her hands and broke down crying. And then I started crying and wondering if the whole trip was a horrible idea. A couple of minutes later I looked at John and told him that I just couldn't leave her like that. By that point we were in danger of being late for our flight. Thankfully, my mom called and said that Ella was okay and doing better. She had initially found Ella in our bed under the covers with her puppy, crying. So instead of being excited on the way to the airport, I felt guilty and depressed.

Twenty minutes later I called back to talk to Ella, and she seemed to be happy and content. What a relief. I could finally (tentatively) look forward to our trip.

Even though our hotel was located in Fremont, we were able to go into San Fransisco a few times when John got off work.

Fisherman's Wharf:

On Pier 39 with Alcatraz in the background:

I really hate this next picture of me, but I wanted to post it to document my 19th week of pregnancy:

Another pic of Fisherman's Wharf near Pier 46:

Golden Gate Bridge at sunset:

On our last night we just enjoyed driving the sloped streets, dodging the cable cars, and pretending that we lived in one of these charming Victorian row houses: We had an incredible week together in one of the most romantic cities I have ever visited. Of course John and I got carried away and looked at the real estate for some of the houses. We were no longer in la-la land when we saw the prices for these cute homes.

As much as we loved the west coast, we were so ready to see our baby girl and be back in Colorado. The hug we got upon our return was the best part of the whole week.

The Last Few Months

2011-06-21T13:11:00.007-05:00

In mid March Ella's soccer season started.

At the beginning of April we took our much-awaited Texas trip. The below picture was taken at a random diner along our way on the border of New Mexico and Colorado:

Somewhere in the TX panhandle:

First stop: Austin. I was so honored to be a bridesmaid for my good friend, Vicky. We stayed at the historic Driskill hotel. It was an incredible start to our trip.

Ella with Kristen and Marci at the rehearsal dinner:

Wedding Day at the Thurman Mansion:

Photo booth fun:

Ella putting her babies to sleep later that night:

Next stop: McKinney to visit Brett, Karley, and sweet baby Caden.

We couldn't get enough of this little punkin. He is such a beautiful baby. We love him so much.Brett and Karley are amazing parents, and we loved getting to see them in these roles.

Next stop: Wichita Falls to visit Gam Gam, Pepaw, Justin, Brittany, Adelle, and our besties.It was so nice to catch up with everyone. Our stay with John's parents was wonderful and so relaxing. However, we were very sad that we couldn't stay for Adelle's 1st birthday party.

Of course we couldn't leave Wichita Falls without a quick trip to see the Ernst family. We were so lucky to be able to see them again so soon!

Next stop: Abilene to visit my Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Debbie. My cousin Matt was away at college. The Pannell family is so important to me, and I was so happy to get the chance to see them. We miss them already.
Last stop: Lubbock to stay with my little brother, Eric. Unfortunately, we didn't get a picture of Eric. We stayed one night then woke up early to drive the last 9 hours. Since I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time of the trip, we were able to tell our exciting news to family and friends in person.This last picture was taken at 16 weeks preggers (2 weeks ago). This pregnancy is so different than my last one five years ago. I am sick a lot. Exhausted all day long. Emotional (irrational)--lucky John :) Extremely thirsty. I kind of feel like I have never done this before. I have strong cravings (hamburgers, fried chicken, french fries...basically anything unhealthy). I have been feeling flutters since 16 weeks and Braxton Hicks contractions since 15 weeks. Now, we are actually feeling little kicks. The nausea is starting to subside, but the exhaustion is hanging on. Despite the symptoms, we thank God every single day for this little life.

How I Told My Husband...

2011-05-24T10:19:00.004-05:00

Back in March I discovered something pretty special. So I made this short little video for Ella and John to watch. Then, I made sure I would be out of the house while they watched it and went on a walk. But I did carry my cell phone on me because I kind of knew I would be getting a call from them. Here is a little trip down memory lane on Mar. 14, 2011:

What was on the DVD (if the video doesn't show up, refreshing the page will fix that):

April was quite a busy month for us in terms of traveling through TX, catching up with dear friends, meeting our nephew for the first time, and visiting family. I hope to get my act together to post about that in the near future. I'm hoping this exhaustion will clear soon, but it hasn't yet...so we're just taking one day at a time.

We are so happy.

Why yes, we did go to Target like this.

2011-03-25T10:11:00.003-05:00

I was going to address the Snoopy Halloween/Hello Kitty sock ensemble...but then I realized the shoes were on the wrong feet as well:)

Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. ~Epictetus

From Texas to Colorado

2011-03-24T12:30:00.006-05:00

In late February we had the most amazing visit from our besties (minus Robert). Lacee and Cash flew to Colorado to spend a whole week with us!

Cash and Ella hit it off immediately.

One afternoon John watched the kids, and Lacee and I hiked one of the trails in the area. It is a 12-mile trail just on the outskirts of our neighborhood.

Pikes Peak in the distance:

Front Range:

During most of the hike I was 99% sure I knew where we were going. However, there were a few times in which I was only about 60% sure, but I didn't tell Lacee this until we were done. Or wait, maybe I forgot to tell her that all together. Look how happy she is. Why ruin the moment?

Documenting strange rock formations that were most likely left by the Blair Witch.

Enjoying the warm weather before it dropped 20 degrees in 2 hours:

Whispering endearments and promises about the future:

However, Ella soon realized that Cash also said the same things to Sophie:

And Sissy:

Things were resolved after Cash pointed out that he wasn't even 2, and he still had a lot of livin' to do. Ella loved having him around to play with 24/7. What an incredible week that was filled with priceless memories and lots of laughter. Cash is the sweetest, most polite little boy. We loved getting to know his cute personality. Lacee has been my best friend for 10 years, and I treasure her more than she will ever know.

Girls Night Out

2011-02-15T14:35:00.010-06:00

A couple of weekends ago I got the chance to meet up with some very precious friends for the bachelorette party of a pretty special girl. Vicky Huie happens to be a super-smart pharmacist living the big life in Seattle, WA. She is saying goodbye to the single life on April 2nd.

This girl is worth her weight in gold. We met my freshman year of college on the tennis courts of MSU. Many more memories were spent chatting on those courts. In fact, I do remember repeatedly getting yelled at by our coach for taking 20 minute water breaks when we switched sides of the court. We would get so caught up in our discussions that we would totally forget about tennis practice. And then she graduated and became our coaching assistant while taking graduate classes. Of course that didn't change things. During tennis matches she would come up to me during side-changes and instead of talking strategy she would say things like, "So... what are we all doing tonight?" It was great! (Okay, so there were some times in which tennis strategy was discussed.)

I remember 5-hour phone conversations. Laughing on kitchen floors. Having theme parties at her apartment. Eating massive quantities of pizza. Talking about God. About boys. About the future. Years later Vicky was a bridesmaid at my own wedding.

Vicky has a limitless supply of compassion, humor, and humility. She is one of the most intelligent people I know and can still be equally silly when the moment demands it. She has touched so many lives, and I am truly honored to call her a close friend.

Marci and Kristen were also fellow MSU tennis players as well as dear friends that stood beside me at my wedding. It was so good to catch up with old college friends (Janet, Becky, and Stacia) and meet new ones. And, might I mention, Austin was the perfect place for celebrating!

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. ~Author Unknown

Tribulation

2011-01-31T12:28:00.010-06:00

Have the courage to face a difficulty...lest it kick you harder than you bargained for. ~ King Stanislaus I, Maxims

I have been going back and forth over whether or not to write this post. I am a private person by nature, so it makes me a little anxious to put personal struggles on display. I'm just going to go ahead and type it before I lose my nerve. Ready?

Three days after Christmas I underwent a procedure called Moh's micrographic surgery. It is a cutting-edge operation tailored for the removal of 2 different types of skin cancer.

In November, I was diagnosed with recurring Squamous Cell skin cancer. The lab reports noted that the cancer occupied a very small, thin area of my left cheek. In the fall I noticed a small, darkening area of skin on my left cheek. That was the only indicator. People that I voiced my concerns to about it couldn't even spot it. Even my dermatologist wasn't worried, but I pressed her to take a biopsy. I just had a bad feeling about it. I wasn't surprised by the labwork that came back two weeks later, but I was very disappointed. And scared. I was then referred to one of the leading Moh's surgeons in Colorado.

I am obsessive with sunscreen. I put it on every morning. However, my sun exposure through years of high school and college tennis most likely didn't help. My fair-skinned, blue-eyed, blond-haired genetics also didn't help. It is important to note that I almost never sunburned growing up. I usually tanned, and I think that gave me a false sense of protection against skin cancer.

During Moh's surgery tissue is removed from the site and then examined under a microscope to make sure all the borders are clear of cancer cells. This indicates to the surgeon that all of the cancer has been extracted. If the borders are not clear, the surgeon goes in again to remove more tissue until all the borders are clear. The surgeon cuts pretty wide margins to make sure the cancer is all out, and this leads to a pretty significant scar. To tell you the truth, if this surgery had taken place on my arm or leg...I wouldn't have posted about it. Unfortunately, a 2 and a half inch scar on your face looks a little more drastic than a 2 and a half inch scar on your leg. Emotionally, the effect is different as well.

After 5 hours in the operating room I left with over 20 external stitches and many more internal ones. Yet, I really feel as if I got off easy. It could have been much worse, and the cancer could have metastasized to my lymph nodes. Thank the Lord that was not the case. The scar will eventually fade to a thin white line, but right now it is raised and pink. And because I am sensitive, I notice people staring since I have stopped wearing a bandage. My cheek is still really bruised, and that also draws attention to it.

after my stitches were removed:

For the record, I do know how to smile :) I'm not sure why I was so serious when those pictures were taken. Maybe to add a dramatic effect.

So, why did I post about it? For starters, it has weighed heavily on my mind for the last few weeks. The surgery itself was scary (because I was awake the entire time under local anesthesia), and the physical recovery was rough.

I also wrote this post because it helps me process this whole thing. And personally, I want it to look back on and remember how important it is to trust your gut. I seriously was starting to doubt my sanity when everyone around me was saying that I was being paranoid and worrying about nothing. Even my dermatologist said she wasn't worried and that we could just wait and "watch it." I insisted on a biopsy for peace-of-mind. I look back and realize how I almost let myself be comforted by the words of others...even my doctor. Yet if I had, I wouldn't have followed through with making a dermatologist appointment or insisting on a biopsy.

Lastly, I want this blog to be an honest record of our life. When I look back on this many years from now, I want to be able to hold on to the the good things as well as the bad. Posting about everything else and not this just didn't feel right.

My parents were lifesavers and watched Ella the day of my surgery. What a relief it was for them to swoop in and take that stress away from us.

*This last part is dedicated to John...Thank you for being my strength. For holding my hand on the drive to the surgery. For not flinching the first time you saw me afterward. For letting me voice my fears to you time and time again. For staying up late at night just to hold the cold compress to my swollen face while I fell asleep. For all the cleaning and cooking. For being a single parent while I recuperated. I cannot even verbalize what it all meant to me. What you mean to me.

We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them. ~Charles C. West

Christmas and New Years

2011-01-12T16:48:00.007-06:00

A quick summary of the Smith holidays:

Our neighborhood held their annual Clydesdale Carriage Ride, and my parents joined us for the festivities:

Santa greeted the kids and took pictures with them in a golf cart:
The night before Christmas, Ella helped prepare a special treat:
On Christmas morning, Sophie happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and had to endure a tea party. Look how enthusiastic she is about it:
People fell asleep on couches:
A few days before New Years, my brother and sister-in-law flew in to celebrate. We had another Christmas at the cabin:
We took afternoon walks on crystal clear, chilly days:

Brett and Ella:

Karley has family in the Denver area, and they threw a baby shower for her.
Karley, Brett, and Andy (pay no attention to the barnacle attached to Andy's leg):

We finally got to meet Christie's (Karley's little sister) son, Braxton. He was such a sweetheart, and Ella adored him.

glowing mom-to-be:

diaper cake:

Did I mention that Ella really liked Braxton?

Ella is already planning a playdate with Braxton when we come to TX in the spring.

So Here's the Deal

2010-12-17T10:29:00.007-06:00

I'm a horrible, no-good, very bad blogger. I'm not proud of it, but it is important for me to be able to verbalize it (ere, type it) and to no longer live in denial . After a while, I avoided even looking at my blog because the title "Halloween Hoopla" really started to annoy me. And to be honest, my blog got put on the shelf for things that I would rather spend my free time doing: reading, talking on the phone, spending time with family, reading, home projects, reading, going on walks, watching TV, and reading. With all that reading, I know what you are thinking. Dork city.

Well, here is a condensed version of what the Smiths have been up to. We spent Thanksgiving at the cabin and saw 3 moose and 1 bald eagle: The preschoolers at our church gave a smashing performance of Silent Night before both worship services last weekend. Even though I know family will be the only ones interested in the video, I decided to attach it anyway :)

When I was shopping one day downtown, I came across a book-page wreath for the first time at a boutique. I was so charmed until I turned over the price tag. $45. Being too rich for my blood, I searched online for a do-it-yourself tutorial and came across this one. It took me much longer than the tutorial suggested. About 6 hours and 3 glue-gun burns later...I had myself a book-page wreath!
It isn't perfect by any means, and I would definitely do some things differently if I decided to start this endeavor again....but I love it simply because a lot of hard work was put into it.
From the book-page wreath tutorial, I stumbled across this blog and decided to try my hand at a burlap wreath. And the best part is that it was inexpensive and only took about 30 minutes in all.

And speaking of reading....I have a lot of books and constructed a bookshelf (with John's help) in the guest bedroom. However, many of my hardbacks were black and made the room look a little drab. So, after seeing books covered at some of my favorite stores, I decided to cover many of mine for a more uniform/vintage look.
Lastly, I came across something called a coffee-filter wreath. I have seen similar wreaths in stores, but--once again--I didn't want to fork up that much money. Here is the blog I utilized, and here is the finished product in our bedroom: I used push-pins instead of safety pins, and it only took about an hour and a half.

And there you have it...the life of new home-owners. We have traded in our view of Longs Peak (at our townhouse) for a view of Pikes Peak in this southern Denver suburb. We are truly loving Christmas time in Colorado and are slowly but surely starting to feel at home in our new surroundings.

Halloween Hoopla

2010-11-02T15:57:00.005-05:00

The weekend before Halloween we met Ella's preschool friend, Caroline, and her family at the Chatfield Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch.

Madelyn, Caroline, and Ella:

Halloween Night. Meet Snow White:

Snow White's sassy pose:

Ella noticeably less excited about the never-ending pictures:

Madelyn (bride of Frankenstein), Caroline (witch), and Ella in front of our house:

A very tan George "W" was nice enough to fly in and see us after his pitch at Arlington Stadium:

Now, I just wish the Halloween candy would disappear so that I wouldn't feel the need to eat one every time I enter the kitchen.

Music: The Great Time Machine

2010-10-25T15:45:00.004-05:00

"Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment." — Sarah Dessen (Just Listen)

Isn't it funny how certain songs can transport you immediately to the past? They aren't necessarily favorite songs, just songs that have for some reason emotionally link you to certain memories. Whether it is due to my advancing years or simply this time of year, it seems so many songs are making me sentimental. Here are just a few:

Yellow – Coldplay

Once when I was young and in college, I sat under west Texas stars in a car with someone I cared deeply about. This person was staggering through a really difficult break-up, and this song played through the speakers as I listened. Every comforting thing I could think to say seemed terribly inadequate and therefore never made it past my lips. I felt helpless and defeated.

It was the first time I had ever seen someone I loved with a broken heart. And in return, it broke mine.

The experience rocked my foundation a bit, and I knew then that I would never endure anything harder than watching someone I cared about suffer.

White Christmas – Nat King Cole

It was a holiday tradition to spend Christmas Eve at a candlelight service and then at my grandparents' house. This song played on the record player as anticipation of the morning to come permeated the atmosphere.

What I remember most about those Christmas Eves: a Christmas tree with multicolored lights, lil' smokies neatly arranged on a holiday dish, bright film recorder light bulbs, and outbursts of laughter.

It is impossible to hear this song (really all songs by Nat King Cole) and not feel strong nostalgia for this wrinkle in time I cannot return to.

Red Bandanna – Cory Morrow and Pat Green

Spring Break 2002. I sat in the front passenger seat of a Chevy Tahoe; two friends laughed and sang behind me. Across from me—the driver—was a guy I had been dating for a few months. We were southbound on highway 277. Destination: Acuna, Mexico. This tall, dark-haired boy was like nothing I was used to. He was quiet, disarmingly handsome, and had a weakness for the classic country great—George Jones.

It was during this long road-trip (accented by the album, Songs We Wish We'd Written) that I felt my guard slipping. Somewhere between Abilene and Del Rio, this small-town Texas boy captured my heart, along with my future.

We were married two and a half years later.

Clair de Lune – Debussy

8 months pregnant. I used to love coming into our new little nursery after work, laying down on the pink area rug, listening to classical music, and daydreaming about what our new life might have in store for us. Actually, it was a Baby Einstein CD, and I had read that classical music was good for babies in the womb. (It was the summer of 2006, and people were all but guaranteed their babies would pop out geniuses if they paid $9.99 and listened to this CD.) The thought of potentially denying my first child her virtuoso building blocks proved too much. I don't remember how many songs were on that CD because I always fell asleep in the middle Clair de Lune. And that is how John would often find me when he got home from work.

Now, if I ever have classical music playing on the iPod/CD player, Ella interrupts my fond pregnancy flashbacks by asking politely if I can change it to Taylor Swift :)

These days as I drive on crowded highways and down Colorado country roads I let my mind drift as the music plays, and I wonder...what songs will come to define this season of my life?

Last Summer

2010-10-14T09:15:00.003-05:00

Keeping track of videos shot from my digital camera is harder than it should be. They always become lost in the shuffle of pictures. Often times they seem to vanish all together after sitting an indefinite amount of time on my hard drive. So in an effort to minimize their disappearance into the great unknown, I have compiled a short montage of footage shot this summer. (If the video doesn't show up at first, try refreshing this page. It usually shows up the 2nd time around.)

Come April....

2010-10-11T17:27:00.005-05:00

Two pretty special people are going to be first-time parents.

My twin brother, Brett, and my sister-in-law Karley

I cannot wait to watch them fall in love with their child and see what all the big fuss is about. They are going to make wonderful parents!

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for. "

-Author Unknown

It's About Time.

2010-10-06T07:29:00.021-05:00

4 months. Wow. That may be my longest blog hiatus ever. I sat down to type this post many times, but the amount of catch-up work overwhelmed me into chronic procrastination. So, I am just going to jump right in. Here we go!

In mid June we signed on our first home. It is in a suburb that we love. Nestled right in the foothills. This is what our home looked like in March:

In May:In June we moved in:
My parents and brother, Andy, were a HUGE help. All of the sudden June and July turned into August. Our Ella-bella turned 4.
And she had 3 separate celebrations! The first was with my parents at the fair.
Then John and I had a small party for her. John's family flew in to celebrate a few days later.And we were lucky enough to meet our niece and Ella's cousin, Adelle, for the first time.

The day after Ella's birthday, she started preschool. There were photo sessions on the front porch:
John and I celebrated 6 years!We spent Labor Day in Grand Lake:Andy and Ella:
And in late September, Eric flew up from Lubbock, Brett and Karley flew up from Dallas, and everyone spent an awesome weekend at the cabin.
There was fly-fishing:Canoeing:
Hiking: (Don't worry. Eric was opening a water bottle for me in the above picture. My brother and I weren't holding hands. That would just be weird.)
Evenings around the fire pit:

And horseback-riding: Well, that was the condensed version of the past four months. I am now dedicated to becoming a better blogger. Hopefully.

One of the Best Parts of Parenthood:

2010-06-15T08:29:00.005-05:00

Finding your child asleep in the hallway outside your bedroom door :)

Memorial Day 2010

2010-06-07T10:13:00.006-05:00

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

Recently I did something I have never done before. I attended a Memorial Day Ceremony.
We met my parents at Ft. Logan National Cemetery where over 3,500 others gathered to support our military and honor those that have given the ultimate sacrifice for this great nation. Many members of the crowd were veterans themselves and stood out by wearing their uniforms from the time period they served. I was humbled to stand beside them. Privileged.
Honorary guests gave speeches in remembrance of the legacy these brave men and women have left behind, reminding us how their sacrifices have paved a way for us to live a life of freedom. There was an F-16 flyover followed by the sacred 21-gun salute. But the most touching part of the entire ceremony occurred at the closing, during the playing of TAPS. This song originated during the Civil War and is sounded every night at US military installations around the world--as well as used as the final call at military funerals. The trumpeters were stationed throughout the crowd eliciting a surround-sound effect. At one point I turned around to look for the trumpeter who performed closest to us. Instead of locating the trumpeter, my gaze caught on an older gentlemen dressed in his WWII uniform. His eyes were only for the American flag as he proudly stood in full salute. This man's presence emanated loyalty and unfaltering devotion, his eyes haunted by a war I blessedly never experienced. And I realized in that moment that there were/are hundreds of thousands of others just like him. Individuals who dedicate their lives to a country they love--for an outcome they may never see.

How lucky are we to live among men and women of such caliber? There is no better way that I could have spent such an important holiday.

It was a good day.

This post is dedicated to my father and both grandfathers for their service to this great nation and for the examples they set. Dad, I look up to you more than you will ever know.

Hawaii or Bust

2010-05-24T22:00:00.002-05:00

"A vacation is what you take

when you can no longer take what you've been taking."

-Earl Wilson-

A few weeks back, John and I woke up at 4 a.m. and drove through sleet and rain on our way to Denver International Airport. I struggled with the mixed emotions of being away from Ella for longer than 24 hours for the first time in her 3 and half years.

Not to mention, this was the first vacation John and I had taken in almost 6 years...

So, at approximately 2:30 p.m. (Hawaii-time) we touched down at Honolulu International. And what do ya know...Robert and Lacee were there too! This trip had been in planning for the past 6 months, and nothing was going to get in the way of T.B.V.E. (the best vacation EVER).

Except for--of course--a horrid sinus infection that I happened to acquire the first day. The luck! I'm not going to lie, the constant headaches were brutal. Advil and sunscreen were the staple items of this trip.

Our first evening. We couldn't not go to the beach even though it was almost dark.

The next morning, we woke up obscenely early to take a walk around the resort.

Around 8:15 a.m. we decided that it was socially acceptable to get in the water.

Can you see how deserted the beach was at that hour? Bliss.

Our Oahu-blue toes:

Hello, Lava Flow:In the evening:On day 3, we went snorkeling at Hanauma Bay.Then, we drove what we thought would be a short drive to the North Shore. I don't know how many wrong turns we took (ahem, John), but we eventually made it after a couple hours. I think the best part was feeling the pangs of starvation (it had been at least 4 hours since breakfast) and naively thinking it was only a little longer...only for Robert to look at the map and cheerfully say, "We still have soooooo long to go." Was that satisfaction we heard in his voice? Did he enjoy our suffering? Surely Robert and John weren't irritated about our questioning their navigational abilities.

Giovanni's Shrimp Truck at the North Shore:

North Shore:

Enjoying a happy hour of $4 Mai Tais later that evening:On day 4, we visited Pearl Harbor Memorial. What a humbling, emotional experience it was.The following quote still gives me chills. So powerful.Afterward, we at Nico's Fish Market on the pier:

Later that evening, there was desert to be had. No regrets:

The next day... Our last evening:The best part of the trip (aside from having no responsibilities or schedule) was all the time we got to spend with our besties. Not since the college days have we had so much uninterrupted time together. I cannot put into words how dear they are to us.

And bless my parents' exhausted hearts, they watched Ella for 9 consecutive nights. I'm quite sure she had the time of her life.

And now life has returned to semi-normal. We are currently packing and getting ready to move in mid June. Stress, stress, and more stress :)

As hectic as life is right now, we realize how fortunate we were to have a brief 7-day window of paradise in Oahu. We will cherish the memories indefinitely.

Hawaii is not a state of mind, but a state of grace. - Paul Theroux

Playing Catch-Up

2010-04-14T10:34:00.012-05:00

So this past month and half have been crazy. Of course I got so behind on the blog that I just felt overwhelmed at the idea of catching up. So here is a summary.

In late February/early March, John took a two week business trip, which left Ella and me to hold down the fort at home. And let me tell you, even with only one child, two weeks without any help is tough. Ella was such a good girl and helped me out, but I was still exhausted by the time that two weeks ended.

On the day John was to return his parents and aunt JoElaine came to visit. Talk about an exciting weekend!

My brother, Brett, and Karley decided to take the plunge and get their first puppy-dog. Anyone who has ever owned a pet knows how special and worthwhile this life-change is. We think she is pretty darn cute. Meet Allie:

Then, after months and months of searching we finally fell in love with a home. In mid March we went under contract with our first home. It will be finished in early June. We are beyond excited and relieved to be finished with the search. Here we are placing the "sold" sticker on the plot diagram:

Easter weather in Colorado is always a gamble. Last year we had snow and sleet. This year we were lucky enough to have real spring weather. My parents and brother, Andy, came over to our house for a cook-out and egg-hunt.

And last, but certainly not least, our niece was born. Justin and Brittany welcomed Adelle Mae Smith into the world on April 10th. We love her so much and think she is absolutely gorgeous.

"Making the decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body. " - Elizabeth Stone

Wishing You a Happy St. Patty's Day

2010-03-17T10:25:00.002-05:00

And sporting a much shorter "do!"

Little Did You Know...

2010-02-28T20:30:00.002-06:00

That a movie about a half-drowned cat and a pug with a British accent is actually quite hilarious.

V.I.P. Valentine's Party

2010-02-12T08:46:00.007-06:00

Earlier this week Ella decided to put together a spur-of-the-moment Valentine's party. Of course only the most important "people" were invited. It was BYOT (bring your own tea).
The V.I.P.s:
The hostess then promptly put on her Taylor Swift mix CD and sang about how when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them. The guests were surprisingly quiet. Perhaps ruminating over such a profound life lesson.
And what would a party be without a couple of the guests getting a little out of hand? I left the party for all of 3 seconds before I heard, "Oh no you didn't! Grumpy!" Then, Ella breezes into my room and plops Grumpy Care Bear on the bed. In a very mature voice, she explains to me that Grumpy is in time-out for the rest of the party because he knocked over a tea cup with his foot--- on purpose.

She didn't explain why Chucky Cheese mouse was also put in time-out, but I assume he was guilty by association. After all, he was sitting right next to Grumpy and was most likely assisting in some way.Apparently, these two were the life of the party because everything kind of died down shortly after their departure. In fact, the hostess was found not 2 minutes later playing with her doll house. Completely neglecting her guests! Party over. Just goes to show that the set-up for things of this magnitude is usually much bigger than the event itself.

This last picture was taken Wednesday morning before Ella's preschool V-day party. And I totally did not have her pose like that.

Ringing in 2010

2010-01-14T08:48:00.003-06:00

A few days after we returned from Wichita Falls, TX we repacked our suitcases and drove to Grand Lake, CO for a 4-day weekend. We met up with my parents and little brother, Eric, to celebrate the New Year and have Christmas #2.

Eric pretending he doesn't know I'm taking a picture:
On New Year's Eve things were out-of-control wild at the cabin. Here is everyone just one hour before midnight:
Do we know how to party or what? Okay, the last picture was actually on New Year's Day, but you get the picture.

Eric at his post watching for the turkey thermometer to pop up:

Ella playing with her new toys:

Eric and me in downtown Grand Lake:

Group picture:

my handsome hubby:

Ella watching a movie while Sophie watches the carpet: Getting ready for some sledding:

Eric and I took turns playing sled dog and pulling Ella: My parents' Bernese mountain dog, Bailee:
Bailee and Sophie:

A super short video of the sledding action. Take a look at how slow Eric is pulling Ella in the second clip. We're blaming it on the high altitude. He swears he was moving faster than that in real-life:

Andy stopped in for a little bit, but he was under the weather and had to leave soon after. We had so much fun...but also found ourselves missing Brett and Karley too.

Christmas in Wichita Falls

2010-01-04T13:29:00.012-06:00

"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.” -Taylor Caldwell

We thought that leaving a day before the snow storms pummelled Colorado that we would be safe from blizzards. Apparently not (as most of you know). The morning after we arrived in Wichita Falls, we woke up to white-out conditions. I cannot lie. As much as it wreaked havoc on road conditions, I was excited to have a white Christmas in Texas.

Jessica and Ella:

Brittany (and baby Adelle) and Justin:

Ella trying to talk Pepaw into opening a pre-Christmas present:

Gam Gam and Ella (making a weird face):

On Saturday after Christmas we were lucky enough to visit our besties: Lacee, Robert, and Cash. Cash keeps getting cuter and cuter.

We had such a good time catching up, telling funny stories, and voting on which household chores the boys should contribute more to :)

Our trip to Wichita Falls proved to be full of obstacles...like the car DVD player breaking 1 hour out of Denver. Fun times with a 3 year-old on a 12-hour road trip. The first time Ella asked, "Are we there yet?" we actually laughed because it was so cliche. However, that phrase quickly lost its hilariousness by the 5th, 6th, 7th time.

Despite the rough travel, the actual stay at John's parents' house was so special. We are so thankful for their hospitality and generosity. What an unforgettable Christmas with family and friends!

And because I cannot believe how much our Ella Bella has changed in these last years, I will leave you with 3 more pictures...

Christmas 2006:

Christmas 2007:

Christmas 2008:

Tis the Season

2009-12-18T10:52:00.003-06:00

To find naked Barbies in the Christmas tree

Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

Reasons to Celebrate

2009-11-12T17:00:00.009-06:00

November 10, 2009 was a very special day for me. My brother, Brett, came in town, and it was the first time in twelve years (since we turned 18) that we were able to spend our birthday together. One minute we were twentysomethings...and the next we were thirtysomethings. Strange.

On the way to Grand Lake:

My sweet sister-in-law, Karley:

Reading a mid-morning story:

An afternoon in Winter Park:

Lunch at Smokin' Moe's in Winter Park:

We also celebrated my dad's birthday--which happens to be the very next day! I have always found it very fitting that his birthday falls on Veteran's Day considering he proudly served this country for many years in the Air Force before retiring as a Lt. Colonel.

Ella painted this Christmas ornament for Brett. She was so excited to give it to him that she dropped it, and it cracked :(

Ella exhausted after the festivities:

My dad's birthday also happens to be my parents' wedding anniversary (37th). So, of course, we celebrated that too!

Times like these remind me of how lucky I am to have the family that I do. I'm not going to lie. The big 3-0 was NOT a birthday I was looking forward to. But it served as a significant reminder to me how fleeting time is and how important it is to treasure every minute. It was an extraordinary weekend that I will never forget.

Guess Who Turned 29...Again

2009-11-11T16:25:00.007-06:00

My twin brother, Brett, that's who!

I might have turned 29 again, too.

Watcha Say

2009-11-05T08:45:00.008-06:00

Daily we find ourselves laughing/confused/bewildered about things that come out of Ella's mouth. We can't even begin to fathom how she comes up with most of it. Here are just a couple of examples:

#1. Ella: "Mommy, do you remember when I used to be a baby farm animal and you and Daddy used to visit me at the farm?"

Hmmmmm. Not particularly.

#2. Ella: "Sometimes Sissy throws up in my room. So then I throw up in her dog food."

To my knowledge this has never happened. Either statement.

#3. Ella: "Mommy, did you know that I used to be a princess?"

Me: "I did not."

Ella: "Yes, I was a princess in that castle."

[She points to the Ramada Inn hotel off the highway as we are driving.]

Me: "Really?"

Ella: "Yes, it was a couple of years ago when I was a little girl."

In her defense, the hotel is shaped like a castle. And a past like that would explain the sassiness.

#4. Me: "Ella, what would you like for lunch?"

Ella: "A rollaton."

Me: "What is a rollaton?"

Ella: "A rollaton is a biscuit that lives in Target."

By the way, 'rollaton' is said in a slightly French accent. Emphasis on the last syllable.

And finally, a picture from Halloween:

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2009-10-29T11:26:00.014-05:00

One of these days, I'm going to have something more interesting to blog about than the weather. Not today. In the last 24 hours, we've received over 16 inches of snow. John's been able to get to work, but Ella and I are going stir-crazy being stuck inside for so long. All schools in Denver and the surrounding areas have been closed for the last two days. The roads are awful, and my hatred of driving on ice has left us with no choice but to wait it out.

Ella looking out the window yesterday morning:

By mid-morning she finally talked me into playing in the snow:

Did I mention wind and blowing snow?

Rosy cheeks:

By 6:00 P.M. I may or may not have been waiting by the back door when John got home. I may or may not have thrown Ella into his arms. And then I may or may not have bolted in the opposite direction. With a bottle of vodka. Just kidding :)

Seriously though, twelve hours indoors with a 3 year-old is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time.

John reading to Ella when he got off work (notice, she's wearing only one sock):

This last picture was taken this morning. We have a fenced-in patio that leads to our garage. The fence is about 5 feet tall. Needless to say, getting to the garage is an adventure.

Countdown to Halloween

2009-10-23T13:59:00.004-05:00

Last weekend we met my parents (Nana and Papa) at a park to play.

Look how excited John is about pushing that swing:

Ella in her witch mask from Nana and Papa:

On Thursdays the Barnes and Noble near us holds "Storytime" for kids. They listen to stories and eat Rice Krispie Treats from the attached Starbucks.

Friday morning was "Boofest" for Ella's preschool.

TGIF!! Now I'm off to enjoy the rest of Ella's naptime!

Snow Day Top Ten

2009-10-13T09:45:00.010-05:00

Out of the bosom of the Air,

Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,

Over the woodlands brown and bare,

Over the harvest-fields forsaken,

Silent, and soft, and slow Descends the snow.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow-

This past Saturday brought with it the first snow of the season (a little ahead of schedule). Here are my Top Ten reasons why I love snow days:10. The Quiet. I love waking up the morning after it's been snowing all night and opening the front door to hear...nothing. The sounds of cars and people seem muffled and distant. Maybe it is because people are staying in and not getting out in the cold, or maybe the snow acts as a buffer to some of the noise. Whatever it is, I love it.
9. Any Hot Drink. Coffee, hot chocolate, hot cider, hot tea: they are a wonderful way to warm up from the inside out!
8. A Fire. There is just something magical about sitting in front of a crackling fire. Even though our gas fireplace doesn't crackle, it is still mesmerizing and heats up the entire downstairs in minutes. I can stare into a fire for an absurdly long time and just zone out.
7. Warm Hats, Mittens, and Scarves. Normally, I'm not big on getting out in the cold (unless it is to ski). I would really prefer to stay inside and look out the window. However, there are times when I must abandon my comfort to walk the dogs or play with Ella in the snow. And when I do, I want to be cozy and warm with these accessories.

6. Mood Lightener. I remember when I spent my first winter in Colorado, and I assumed that the locals probably got bored/irritated with the snow early on. Boy was I wrong. Whenever I run errands and snow is on the ground or in the forecast there is just a contained excitement in the air. Snow wreaks havoc on John's job, and he dreads constantly checking the road conditions for Wyoming, Utah and Colorado. I feel like a traitor for getting such a childish thrill out of the snow when it is so hard on John's job. But I can't help it! I still think this might be a conditioned response dating back to my high school/college days when inclement weather of any kind canceled tennis practice. Ha!
5. Paper Snowflakes. Ella is really into art right now and loves anything to do with paint, glue, or scissors. We've recently taught her how to fold and cut snowflakes, and now she asks to do them every day. And since she's not too coordinated with the scissors, we end up making them mostly by ourselves. It really was fun the first time or two. But by the 5th, 6th, and 7th time....we were thinking that we might have dug our own grave :)

4. Living Vicariously Through Ella (and our dogs). Ella loves snow, and I really get a kick out of witnessing her joy. Whether it is building a snowman, throwing snowballs, or making snow-angels: it always feels like I'm experiencing it all over again for the first time. And something about the coldness and texture of the snow takes years off our dogs. They act like different dogs with a ton of energy and friskiness. It is hilarious. 3. Curling Up With a Good Book. My favorite place to read is in our love-seat in front of a window overlooking the front yard (if town homes have a front yard). Like rain, snow creates this calming atmosphere just perfect for reading. So when I put Ella down for a nap I hurry downstairs, flip the switch for the fireplace, wrap a quilt around me, and open the current book I am reading. Sometimes my attention is torn between the book and the snow falling outside the window. Like a fireplace, falling snow can be an intoxicating distraction.
2. Chili or Soup. For some reason my mind has made a mental attachment to cold weather and soup (or chili). On Saturday we enjoyed Frito Chili Pie for lunch. It was heavenly.

1. Staying in Pajamas All Day. Even if we step out to play in the snow for a while, we usually change back into flannel pajama bottoms afterward. Maybe it is because I indulge in Frito Chili Pie and Hot Chocolate and need an elastic waistband all day. Or maybe it is because it is so conducive to jumping right back in bed at any time of the day. Either way it just feels right.

*What I don't love about snow days: icy roads and the slushy muddy mess after it melts.

Fall in the High Country

2009-10-05T18:38:00.008-05:00

"The mountains are calling and I must go.” - John Muir

One of our favorite families flew all the way from Texas to Colorado to spend 5 blissful days with us. It was Cash's first trip via plane, and he did amazing! He just turned 6 months old and can already sit like a pro!

Ella was smitten right from the start. We had to teach her how to give gentle hugs.

The first two days were spent in Denver. Lacee and Ella enjoying jammie-time:

"I moose have a hug":

Whispering sweet nothings before visiting the Denver Aquarium:

Friday morning we got on the road early and headed for the cabin.

We could not have asked for prettier fall weather.

Robert with the canoe paddles:

Slalom-style:

John and Robert fly-fished from the canoe and the river. Lacee and I had our cameras ready for the off chance that the boat would flip when they got in. But, alas, we weren't lucky enough :)

Hot chocolate was definitely the staple item of the trip:

Friday night we stalked some elk:

Ella perfecting the gentle hug:

On Saturday we visited the shops at Grand Lake.

John did odd/random jobs like chop wood.

I indulged in my obsession of smelling/kissing/snuggling Cash's cheeks/hair/tummy:

Our little punkins:

It has been some time since we have enjoyed ourselves this much. From laughing fits to mountain locals that all seemed to resemble Willie Nelson to fireside chats (and many more that are not appropriate to mention)...this memorable trip is definitely going down in the books. We already miss them terribly.

I'm Going to be an Aunt!

2009-09-26T17:45:00.004-05:00

My brother-in-law (Justin) and sister-in-law (Brittany) will be having their first baby in April of 2010!! We couldn't be happier!

A Belly Laugh and A Nose Dive

2009-09-16T19:36:00.005-05:00

I actually recorded this video because Ella's belly laugh cracked us up when John threw her in the air. However, by the 3rd throw John almost dropped her (and made a quick save). Of course she thought that was even funnier.

In other news, our younger golden retriever (Sissy) got a nasty bee sting in her foot a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately it got infected and swelled to twice the size. She couldn't put any weight on her foot and hobbled around. We had no clue what was going on and figured she had pulled a muscle or something. When we took her to the vet they informed us of what probably happened. Poor baby. Here she is drugged up on antibiotics and painkillers with her pitiful little bandage: And on Monday Ella was treated to another celebration of her birthday, this time in preschool. Due to the fact that she has a summer birthday we were given the choice to either celebrate it in September or wait until May. Of course we opted for September and the chance to stretch it out a whole month. Here she is before class:

It was very important to Ella that she pick her birthday party outfit because she is a "big woman" now. Somehow I think she misheard us when we said "big girl."

Lazy Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-09T11:06:00.006-05:00

Just say NO! NO to chores. NO to cooking. NO to working. NO to parenting (just kidding). We enjoyed our labor-less weekend a little too much, and now I am working overtime to make up for it.

We spent time with my parents:
We spent time with my little brother and fellow Coloradan, Andy: John spent one morning fly-fishing:

And Ella took advantage of wearing his boots and hat while he was away. Don't worry, the Elmo undies are hers:Now it is Wednseday and Ella's second day of preschool. I was a little over-excited about the cool weather this morning and had Ella wear her new fall jacket (thanks Justin and Brittany). By the time we got there it was already in the low 70s, so we had to take it right back off :(

It was fun while it lasted.

First Day of Preschool

2009-09-02T10:35:00.003-05:00

What a big day it is! Our little pumpkin started out the day with a special breakfast: biscuits with butter and brown sugar. Her pound puppy, Sunny, joined her at the table. Ella put on her first-day-of-school clothes and ventured outside for a photo shoot.
I had this cute, soft pink piggy backpack ready to go, but she insisted on the Dora one.

I didn't cry like I thought I would, but I did make sure to give lots of embarrassing hugs and kisses before I left. Can't believe I have a child in preschool!

Back in the Saddle Again

2009-08-31T16:04:00.014-05:00

I actually have a good excuse this time, though. Our computer crashed a few months ago, and we were without Internet access (except for my silly iPod) for that entire time. No emails or blogging. We finally bit the bullet and bought a new computer. It has been rough, but we are back in the world of civilization. I guess I'll just summarize our summer.

WARNING: AN OBNOXIOUS AMOUNT OF PICTURES TO FOLLOW

In early July we took a brief trip back to Texas. First stop: Brett and Karley's home!

Next stop: Wichita Falls where we celebrated the 4th with some poolside fun!Our final stop: to our besties, Robert and Lacee's house to meet baby Cash. He is such a doll. We love him so much.

On the flight home:

There were a few fishing trips in mid July:

And, then, in the midst of all our summer fun--our Ella Bella turned 3!The weekend following her birthday, we celebrated with both sets of grandparents at the cabin in Grand Lake.We went on an amazing hike at Bowen Trailhead in the Rocky Mountain National Park.

Of course I'm leaving out a ton, but this should do for now. Ella's first day of preschool is Wednesday!

A Tale of Two Dogs and a Tornado

2009-06-08T11:31:00.003-05:00

It all started Sunday morning at about 11:15 A.M. My parents were watching Ella for the morning, and John and I decided to take advantage of some of the local walking trails. The main trail is a couple of miles from our house, and we decided to walk to it (instead of driving) to further our work-out. We were ecstatic about having the uninterrupted time together to just relax and talk.

Around 1 P.M. we were finishing up at the trail and heading back to the house. We came upon a family bike riding with two dogs following close behind. I stopped to pet the dogs as the family proceeded to tell us that the dogs had been following them for at least a mile. They were not their dogs and asked if we would let them walk with us. The family was heading to the walking trail that circled a lake, and coyotes were prominent in that area--thus, putting the dogs in danger. Before we could even accept or decline, they were cycling off and telling us 'thanks!' over their shoulder. Great. John and I were already tired from our walk and weren't sure what we could do with the dogs being a few miles from home and without our cell phones.

For a split second we pondered the idea of just leaving the dogs (a young chocolate lab and a cocker spaniel) where they were. They both had collars but no tags. Someone else was bound to see them and help. However, we realized that our consciences wouldn't let us just leave them there like we had never seen them. Plus they were cute. And sweet. And gave us their best "sad puppy-dog eyes." Both dogs were extremely tired, and so I picked up the cocker spaniel and we--having no clue what the plan was--started walking towards home.

Enter next obstacle: another loose dog. Not 5 minutes after we had begun to trek home we spotted another dog without an owner. This dog was big and black (think chow mix of some sort), and I immediately became anxious and worried about it trying to fight with the lab. I was still holding the smaller dog while John held on to the lab's collar and lead it down the path. Of course the black chow mix starts growling with its fur raised. It got a little too close to John and the lab so he tried to push the black dog back gently. In response, the black dog lunges at John's foot and lets out a ferocious growl. I start freaking out and telling John to just keep walking. Fortunately, it began to back off and eventually left.

John and I were a little irritated that we had these two dogs to take care of...on top of being miles from our home...on top of almost being attacked by other dogs. Neither of us had ever seen a stray or lost dog in that area, and then we see 3 in one day! Thankfully, we noticed a police car driving down a road we were crossing. John flagged him down, and we asked if the policeman would call the local animal shelter to have someone come and pick up the dogs. The policeman then said the very last thing I would have ever expected. "I'll get right on it, but first I have to attend to another matter. A tornado has just touched down about a mile north of us." Reflexively, we turned out heads to the sky and suddenly noticed that clouds were awful dark and swirling a bit. Glorious!

Lets review the situation, shall we: we were over a mile south of our home--on foot, two lost dogs were currently in our possession, and a tornado had decided to pay Denver a visit. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it started to hail.

We began to panic a bit. Luckily, a couple in their open garage spotted us in our state of peril and told us to take shelter in their home. They allowed us to put the dogs in the garage as we all went inside. Hail poured down for the next 20 minutes. Then, the sky became strangely still and calm. We thanked the couple and exited their home to find that one (or both) of the dogs had gone #2 all over the poor people's garage. The couple was extremely understanding about it, but we felt awful.

About 20 minutes later we arrived back at home with the two dogs in tow. A person from the animal shelter arrived shortly after. I was relieved, but strangely enough---I was also sad to see the dogs go. Neither dog wanted to get in the truck, and that broke my heart. If our townhouse had a yard or if we didn't already have two big dogs, we would have taken the dogs in and held them until we found the owners. I know that shelters put down animals after a couple of days, and I felt a pang of guilt for not being able to do more. Surely the owners would think to check the shelter first, I thought.

Well, I ended up worrying about those silly dogs all night. I wanted desperately to call the shelter and ask if the owner had come to get the dogs. Yet, I knew if they had not I would only worry more. I could just envision myself driving to the shelter in a few days and picking them back up because I didn't want them to be put down. Anxiety got the best of me, and I called. Thank the good Lord the owners had called this morning and were on their way to get them.

So there you have it. This is what a mid-afternoon dates looks like for the Smiths!

Some Very Special Visitors

2009-06-01T16:29:00.014-05:00

Over Memorial Day weekend we had the good fortune to see two people that we don't see nearly enough. John's brother, Justin, and his wife, Brittany, came for a visit! John and Justin spent the first day fly-fishing while the girls did a little shopping after Ella's gymnastics. Later on that evening my parents took Ella so that the adults could enjoy each other's company at dinner.

The Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Denver:

Saturday morning we enjoyed breakfast and coffee. We decided that a little hiking would be fun and chose a site in Rocky Mountain National Park called Bear Lake. We didn't realize until we arrived at our destination that the trail was snow-packed. Fun times.We then decided that this particular trail was a little too "family friendly" and opted for a more strenuous hike up to Emerald Lake.
After about 15 minutes we were all wondering if this little adventure was worth it. The hike was only 2 miles from Bear Lake, but it was a 605 foot climb as well. On snow. And ice.

Of course it wouldn't have been complete without someone falling into one of the frozen lakes along the way. He shall remain nameless for the sake of his pride:

After an hour and a half, we finally reached our destination--Emerald Lake. Elevation: 10,080 ft.

A little bit of snow and sleet paid us a visit while we stopped for some pictures. Fortunately, it only took about 30 minutes to descend. Much of the trip down was spent on our bottoms as we found it difficult to walk more than five consecutive steps without slipping and falling. Watching grown people fall and slide down the mountain is actually quite hilarious. And--as fate would have it--once you laughed at someone else's mishap, you would most likely fall yourself soon after.

What a fun visit we had! And congratulations to Brittany for graduating with her degree in nursing recently! We miss them already.

An Introduction

2009-04-22T15:08:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday the pastor at the church we were visiting gave a sermon on how the church was going to begin a new 8 month long series called Jesus HD. Jesus in high definition. The series will give an in-depth look at the life of Christ and the chronological events that took place from His birth to the Ascension.

The pastor admitted that he was incredibly anxious about having the privilege and responsibility of beginning this monumental assignment. "Where do you start?" he asked. "How do you introduce Jesus? How can you possibly do justice?"

His words really hit a chord with me. I wouldn't know where to begin or the words to use to encompass all that is Him. I've had many discussions about Christ with others, but those people were already familiar with Jesus. I didn't have the honor of introducing Him. Then, I realized, I do have that responsibility (that privilege) of introducing him to at least one person. My daughter. When Ella is old enough to understand more--years down the road--she will come to me and John with difficult questions. I want to be prepared. And maybe that is why I am so overwhelmed at times and can relate (in this sense) to the pastor. I just want to get it right. I want to do justice.

The pastor then asked everyone, "If you were told to introduce Jesus to a big group of people, how would you do it?" Oh boy. What a daunting task. A video played of how Steve Harvey (comedian/actor) would do it. One word: INCREDIBLE. So incredible that I wanted everyone of you to experience it too.

So sit back. Turn the volume up. And if you are at work, shut your office door. Because you may just feel like jumping up and cheering after you watch this.

How awesome would it be to have been in that audience!

It's April? Are you sure?

2009-04-20T11:46:00.009-05:00

Winter is definitely showing us that it is not finished yet! After an unusually mild winter season, spring is proving to be quite the opposite of what we expected. Sporadically, we are teased with weeks in the 70s---only to be drowned in feet of snow the next day. Last week I woke up to this much snow piled up against our back door: Sophie looking oh-so-thrilled about her 1 minute photo shoot in the snow.

Usually our dogs love romping in snow mounds. Yet, when they sink up to their chest with each step---they become a little suspicious of it. Sophie and Sissy sporting the ever popular snow hat and snow sweater:

And another unexpected spring surprise that Denver and surrounding suburbs offer....the wildlife. Primarily coyotes and foxes. You can't go anywhere without running into a walking trail sign or seeing interviews on the news dedicated to what you should do if you happen upon coyotes or foxes. The pup litters are born in spring---causing the mothers to be more aggressive and search farther for food. Nice.

It is a very weird feeling to be living in place (a BIG city) where you have to be prepared for animal encounters. We have had our own share of coyote and fox sightings within a hundred feet of our front door! Denver officials recommend that you only let pets outdoors if they are supervised or protected in enclosed outdoor kennels.

Now this is in the metro area. I won't even go into how common cougar sightings are right outside the city....[gulp!]

Easter Sunrise Service at Red Rocks

2009-04-13T10:07:00.022-05:00

This Easter we traded in our Sunday school clothes for ski jackets, gloves, and warm winter hats. We decided to try something a little different. On Saturday evening, we packed up and headed to my parents' home to enjoy an Easter dinner. We stayed the night so that we could all get an early start the next morning. By early, I mean the alarm went off at 3:45 A.M. Everyone put on the warmest of clothes and filled their travel coffee mugs. By 4:30 we were out the door and on the road. Our destination: Red Rocks Amphitheater--a 30 minute drive west. A description from the website: "Red Rocks is a geologically formed, open-air Amphitheatre that is not duplicated anywhere in the world. With Mother Nature as the architect, the design of the Amphitheatre consists of two, three hundred-foot monoliths (Ship Rock and Creation Rock) that provide acoustic perfection for any performance.

The area of Red Rocks, originally known as the Garden of Angels, has attracted the attention of musical performers since before the turn of the century. The majestic setting of the Amphitheatre, along with the panoramic view of Denver, makes for a breathtaking scene."

The Easter Sunrise service at Red Rocks is a Colorado tradition that has been happening for over 60 years. It was dark when we arrived, but there was an electric spark in the air. Over 10,000 people gathered to worship and listen to scripture on this most special of occasions. And when the first light of Easter broke over the foothills and accompanying Rocky Mountains...it was nothing short of magical.

The air was thick with fog, and a heavy mist swept past the giant boulders surrounding the amphitheater. The temps seemed to plummet lower into the 30s as the sky got lighter. Sleet even made an appearance towards the end of the sermon.

Yet, I can count on one hand how many people got up and left early. What a deep sense of joy I felt to see so many people undeterred by the extreme weather. A common thread united the enormous crowd, and I am so grateful that I could take part in the experience with them. You can view the video HERE.

Then we returned to my parents house and realized that the Easter Bunny had indeed paid us a visit! So, of course, we followed through with an egg hunt:

By 11:00 A.M. we were back at our home, and by 11:15 John, Ella, and I were passed out...for the next 4 hours! Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter celebrating the living Christ!

Humbled

2009-04-06T10:56:00.011-05:00

We are less than a week away from Easter Sunday, and my mind is consumed with the events that took place this week 2,000 years ago. Ella is at that age where she is somewhat familiar with the idea of Jesus and that his birthday is indeed on Christmas. But explaining what Easter represents is a bit tricky.

How do you explain that a person died and rose again when the concept of death is so abstract at this age? I'll keep this short and sweet. Our conversation went like this:

"This is where Jesus died many years ago. On the cross." I pointed to pictures of a cross--knowing full well that she didn't know what the word "died" meant. I didn't know how else to phrase it at that moment.

Ella studied the pictures for a moment. "People hurt Him," she said without looking at me.

"Yes, they did. They hurt Him because they didn't understand. But on Easter he stopped hurting. He is okay now. He came back because he loved you so much. Because he loved everybody so much."

I wasn't sure how she would take this information. I knew that she wouldn't really comprehend what I was saying. What she said next took me completely off guard.

"He's coming home soon," she said confidently. I didn't know how to respond. And I'm not even sure if I understand what she meant by that. So I said nothing. Silence lingered, and Ella turned to look me in the eyes.

"He's coming home," she repeated. And when I could speak again, I agreed with her. Because He did go home. And He will again---next time with all who believe.

Pulling an All-Nighter

2009-03-16T09:22:00.006-05:00

Back in my college days, all-nighters referred to staying up the entire night to study for an exam or finish a paper. The mornings after all-nighters were the worst. Exhaustion and weakness claimed my body until I eventually gave in and slept.

That was in college.

Fast forward about 6 years. Thursday night I experienced an all-nighter of a different sort. This one involved a two year-old with fever and nausea. It started at around 11:30 P.M. I was just about to drift off to sleep when I heard Ella crying. I checked on her, patted her back, and informed her that it was indeed night-night time (not 'good morning' time). She told me that her tummy hurt but went back to sleep. Thirty minutes later I woke up to the same crying and went in her room to find throw up all over Ella and her bedding. I stripped her down, changed her clothes, and started the first load of laundry of the night at 12:15. I gave her some Tylenol to bring down her fever. This, in itself, took 45 minutes to administer because she hasn't had to take medicine for about eight months, and she wanted nothing to do with it.

By about 2:00 A.M. I took Ella into our bedroom to lay down with John and I. My exhaustion was getting the best of me. Poor thing, she tried to sleep but instead spent the next hour and a half squirming and whimpering. Next thing I know she is throwing up all over our bed. John has now been forced to enter into the all-nighter (although, by this time I am still in denial that it is actually an all-nighter; I have faith that I can succumb to sleep in a little while). At 3:30 I changed Ella's clothes again, started another load of laundry, and John decided to just get up as well and run to Walgreen's for some additional medicine.

My feet felt like lead, and I began to feel sick to my stomach. I spent the next hour cuddling with Ella on a pallet in the living room. John returned with some children's Pepto. Do you want to know what happened within 5 seconds of Ella taking the medicine? Throw up. By 5:45 A.M. I started the 3rd load of laundry of the night, John left for work, and I gave Ella more Tylenol because her fever was still over 100 degrees. We finally passed out around 6:15 A.M.

The following two nights were similar to the first, and we are just now coming out of our zombie-like stupor. Ella is no longer running fever, and she slept the entire night last night. I, however, can't seem to bounce back after the sleepless nights. My mind is in a haze, my eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, and I can't seem to remember if it is Monday or Wednesday...or maybe it is Thursday. My 29 year-old body is trying fiercely to convince me that this type sleep schedule (or lack there of) is unacceptable and hazardous to my health. Seriously. It doesn't need to try so hard to convince me. I already know this and have no idea how I ever maintained this way of life in college.

On the positive side, everyone is well--for the time being. No more symptoms of the stomach virus in our home. And only 3 more hours until Ella's supposed nap time. Maybe I can try to catch up on some sleep then too. The mere thought is intoxicating...

at the park last week:

Texas Trip

2009-03-04T12:03:00.006-06:00

About 2 weeks ago, Ella and I prepared to venture back to Texas. Unfortunately, John couldn't get out of work to join us.

We started off that Wednesday morning (Feb. 18th) by getting our nails done:

Late Wednesday afternoon we boarded our flight to DFW.I was a little worried about traveling with Ella by myself. Fortunately, she made it easy for me and slept the entire flight: We spent our first few nights at Brett (my twin brother) and Karley's (my sister-in-law) beautiful new home in McKinney. While there, we visited the Dallas Aquarium:Karley and Ella:Brett and Ella: Everyone was a little worn out by the end: Next stop: Wichita Falls. John's parents (John and LaDonna) traveled to McKinney to pick us up on Friday (Feb. 20th): Ella and her favorite cat, Beckam, at the Smith's house:LaDonna (Gam Gam) and Ella at Lucy Park:swinging with John Sr. (Pepaw):There were visits to Chuck E. Cheese:playing with Brittany (my sister-in-law): Me and my wiggle worm before her pictures: Apparently, having your picture taken is rough work. Ella ended up taking a 3 hour nap afterward:
Enjoying a book or two (or seven) with John's cousin, Jessica:Part of the reason for our trip back to Texas was because I helped co-host my best friend, Lacee's, baby shower:Cash Luken is due to arrive in early April...but it doesn't look like he is going to wait that long to start his birthday party. Lacee is only 35 weeks and showing signs of preterm labor. We are praying that he cooks for at least another couple of weeks. We took this picture (no, I'm not pregnant):

out of tradition---which started by this picture almost 3 years ago: The flight back to Texas (Feb. 25th) was equally as good, and Ella slept again. I guess I worried for nothing. We wish that we could have had more than one week to see everyone who is so important to us. We already miss our family and friends incredibly and hope to make the trip back to Texas this coming summer.

Just Trying to Catch Up

2009-03-02T11:33:00.007-06:00

So that I don't put a million pictures in one post, I am going to attempt breaking it up. I'll start with the last weekend in January:

Andy came from New York to visit and exchange gifts since we didn't see him at Christmas. We spent our time with him at the cabin and played a mean tournament of spoons.

Don't let this face fool you. Andy dominated the game with an iron fist. If your hands weren't red and scratched by the end, you counted yourself lucky:

Ella was part of the half-time show:

On the trip home:

Ella in her new robe:

Coloring in her Wonder Pets coloring book:

In early February, we ventured to the Denver Zoo with my parents:

Random: if we ever have a black-haired daughter (with a mullet), she might look like this:

Valentine's Day:

Ella was so excited to get a bouquet of tulips from her daddy.

My parents came over and had cupcakes with us and brought Ella some gifts. Then, they took her for the evening so that John and I could have a real date night.

Next up: coverage of our Texas trip...

Pictures

2009-02-25T22:35:00.007-06:00

There is so much catching up to do, but I've just returned from a long day spent at DFW and Denver International Airport. So I'll just start with some pictures we had taken by Kelly in Wichita Falls, TX:

The Backstory

2009-01-22T08:16:00.002-06:00

Setting #1: Park

Date: January 19th

Scene: I decide to take advantage of the uncommonly mild temperatures and bring Ella to the park. Things go just fine for the first 15 minutes. Enter: another child (maybe 5 years old, female, red hair) and her mother. Other child is quiet, and Ella takes it upon herself to introduce herself. Child barely acknowledges her and goes about her playing. Ella obviously thinks the girl is playing hard-to-get and zeroes in on her even more.

The girl decides to run around the playground, and my child thinks it is best if she chases her like some predatory animal. Suddenly, I hear Ella yell "My sister, I'm chasing you! Mommy, I'm chasing my sister!"

um...what?

Out of mere shock I start laughing and tell Ella, "She is not your sister. You don't have a sister." After a few more minutes the other little girl and her mother leave (probably to get a restraining order). Ella notices this when they are halfway across the field and yells, "Goodbye, my sister!"

Before this situation, John and I didn't even think that Ella really knew what a sister was. We never use that word around her because we don't have sisters. Strange. We did have a good laugh about this over dinner, but it wasn't until later that I realized the backstory to this whole production...

Setting #2: McDonalds play area

Date: 1 week earlier

Scene: Ella enters the play area and immediately squeals in delight to see other kids there. She appears a little timid at first but then slowly crawls in the first of many tunnels. Inside this tunnel there are two little girls (one is about 2 years-old and the other is about 4 years-old). In true Ella-fashion, she introduces herself and begins to inch closer to them.

Suddenly, I hear the older girl say, "We don't need any more friends. She (pointing to the younger girl) is my sister." My heart literally broke in two. Ella just sat there stunned. I know it is important to let kids work out their own issues with each other so I just held my breath...and waited. Then she said it again. That is when I poked my head in the tunnel and said "Lets play nicely, girls." They were much more accepting after that, but I still felt bad for Ella.

In the car on the way home Ella asked, "Where is my sister?" The innocence in her question really touched me. With that statement, I suddenly realized that the situation in the play area didn't go over Ella's head after all. She understood more than I had initially given her credit for. I tried to explain the difference between a friend and a sister...to no avail. Ella lost interest in that topic of conversation anyway; so I figured that would be the last we would hear of it.

APPARENTLY not.

And that would be the backstory. I went from being amused, to heartbroken, to touched all in about the span of 5 minutes as I finally pieced together the reason for Ella's 'sisterly' behavior at the park. Mystery solved.

Tagged!

2009-01-19T16:37:00.006-06:00

by Brittany

I was tagged to upload the 4th picture in the 4th folder on my computer.

So, for your viewing pleasure, the 4th picture in the 4th folder is this one....

It was taken about 9 months into our first year of marriage in our first apartment in Wichita Falls, Texas. The two "people" in the picture are John and Sissy. This is what our life looked like before parenthood.

I'm supposed to tag 4 more people, and here are the rules:

1. Choose the 4th folder where I store my pictures on the computer.
2. Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag 4 people to do the same.
5. No cheating (cropping, editing, etc.)

I'm pretty sure that most people have already been tagged with this, but if not...consider yourself tagged!

Christmas at the Cabin

2009-01-05T10:45:00.013-06:00

I didn't mean to take such a long break from blogging, but one thing lead to another...and before I knew it, I was incredibly behind--and hence--overwhelmed at the idea of catching up. I guess we'll start with our Christmas.

We opened presents on Christmas morning at our house. After breakfast, we packed our suitcases and headed to the cabin.

My parents, Brett, Karley, and Eric were there to spend the holiday with us.

There were the occasional odd behaviors by my family members that I can only attribute to the high altitude. The following scenarios were not reenacted by paid actors. They are the actual real-life footage. Viewer discretion is advised.

Exhibit A: Using a flashlight to search for the expiration date on a bottle of Kahlua...when we were in the fully lit kitchen....?

Exhibit B: After an unsuccessful attempt with the flashlight, binoculars were utilized:

And finally Exhibit C: Cutting open the mayonnaise bottle with a butter knife to get the last remaining teaspoon-size amount. The disturbing part of this story is that there was a brand new mayonnaise bottle in the fridge. And, yes, the individual in question knew of this. Just wrong.There was some afternoon napping:

And playing in the snow...

And having our car pulled out of the snow because we were stuck...good times.

We had an unforgettable time, but we must give a 'shout out' to Buffalo, New York where my little brother spent the holiday. It would have been even better if you were there too, Andy!

Thanksgiving & First Snow

2008-12-04T14:07:00.010-06:00

We spent Thanksgiving with my parents at their home in Denver. What a treat it was to just drive 30 minutes to see them instead of 14 hours! These next pics were taken before we left for their house:

My parents did an amazing job with the meal as always. Our only hitch happened when Ella tried cranberry sauce for the first time. Since we are usually not in the habit of serving chicken nuggets and hotdogs at Thanksgiving, Ella wasn't all that impressed with her food choice selection. She eyed the cranberry sauce and seemed excited to try something that resembled jelly. 3 things happened when she put the cranberry sauce in her mouth:

1- Her eyes emitted this horrific sense of dread and her mouth fell open (so that you could actually see the half-eaten remnants);

2- Her head and body started fake convulsing like she was being electrocuted;

3- She started moaning the word "GROSS!"

Talk about multi-tasking. John finally cupped his hand below her chin--implying that she was allowed to spit it out. Otherwise, she probably would have continued the performance for at least another 5 minutes.

some post-Thanksgiving meal static:

During Ella's nap that afternoon, my mom and I took off to watch Twilight. It wasn't as good as the book, but it was still fun to watch the characters come to life onscreen. Do I even need to go into how amazing these books are? I think not.

The first snow happened the day after Thanksgiving:
These next pictures were taken this morning:

If you look really closely, you will see that those aren't mittens on Ella's hands. They are socks. On top of the socks are some trendy zip-lock bags fasted around her wrists with scotch tape. You don't even want to know what is on her feet.

Holiday decor:

Of course I am incredibly behind on my Christmas shopping. Not quite to the panic stage--but almost.

Tagged...

2008-12-02T21:07:00.006-06:00

by Kristin!

TYPE ONLY ONE WORD FOR EACH ANSWER. IT'S HARDER THAN YOU THINK!!!

1. Where is your cell phone? floor
2. Your significant other? handsome
3. Your hair? shoulder-length
4. Your mother? servant (I am using your answer, Kristin)
5. Your father? brave
6. Your favorite thing? IPOD
7. Your dream last night? rain
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? contribute
10. The room you're in? bedroom
11. Your fear? spiders-needles-blood (3 way tie)
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? debt-free
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? materialistic
15. Muffins/donuts? donuts
16. One of your wish list items? facial
17. Where you grew up? Abilene
18. The last thing you did? read
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? relaxing
21. Your pet? dogs
22. Your computer? slow
23. Your life? adventure
24. Your mood? humorous
25. Missing someone? many
26. Favorite pastime? shopping
27. Something you're not wearing? shoes
28. Favorite Store? Target
29. Your summer? unexpected
30. Your favorite color? black
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. Last time you cried? ?
33. Who will/would re-post this? Haley?
34. Four places I go over and over: park, supermarket, Hobby Lobby, parents' house
35. Four people who e-mail me? John, Lacee, Patricia, LaDonna
36. Four of my favorite foods? Cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, chocolate
37. Four places I would like to be right now: cabin, Maui, Dallas, Wichita Falls.

Four people I tag: Haley, Brittany, Alison, Bicky :)

Storytime

2008-11-19T14:37:00.011-06:00

The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it. ~James Bryce

The last couple of months I have devoted a lot of my free time to reading. Stories about mystery. Stories of adventure. Stories of romance. Stories about personal growth and healing. Every now and then I come across books that not only provide an escape and an intriguing storyline, but I discover these hidden gems that subtly change the way I view the world...and ultimately myself. These are the top 4 most recent "gems" I've read:

4. Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult

3. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

2. Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

And my #1 favorite:

1. The Shack by WM. Paul Young. Even though this book is a work of fiction, it reveals a powerful and timeless message about God's love and infinite ability to forgive. This book was the one that I was most hesitant to read because it deals with a parent who's child was murdered. I didn't think that I could ever go there with the main character and envision a tragedy of that degree. I gave it a chance and cried the whole way through the first couple of chapters...and just found myself crying up until the last page for a very different reason. There have been times in my life when I have come across the most horrific stories of evil and cruelty, and I have (in confusion and frustration) wondered: Where was God? How could He allow this to happen? The Shack confronts these questions head on and goes further to show just how deep the love of God flows. It touched me beyond belief. In the words of Michael W. Smith, "The Shack will leave you craving the presence of God."

I would love to hear some of your favorites and recommendations.

The Grossest Day of My Life

2008-11-17T16:27:00.008-06:00

I guess I should begin by telling you about an evening grad class that I took back in Fall 2004. I remember this particular night because my professor said something that I have never forgotten. He jokingly said (or maybe not so jokingly), "You know you are a parent when you have to ask yourself: Is this really enough poop on my hand to wash my hands before I eat?" He was in the throws of sleep deprivation from his infant twins at home and really didn't offer much explanation to that comment, just went on with the lecture like normal. Of course I laughed and thought to myself, "That poor man. He really thinks that all child rearing has to be that disgusting. All this talk about poop and throw-up and poop. It can't be that bad." I think it was that day that God must have had a good laugh at my ignorance and stupidity...and then he obviously began to plan out this day for my life.

Today started like any other day. We are in the process of potty-training Ella, and we make quite a big deal about taking her to the potty every 30 minutes to see if she needs to go #1 or #2. At around 11 a.m. I was upstairs doing laundry when I hear, "Mommy! Poopoo in the potty!" from downstairs. I drop everything and run to the downstairs bathroom. I see from the crack in the partially open door that my daughter is wearing nothing but her shirt. I brace myself for what I might see as I come around the door. She has just flushed the toilet and is proudly holding her partially soiled diaper (partially soiled with #2) in the air. My eyes dart around the room for remnants of this horrific scenario.

I catch sight of something in her hand. Wait. It isn't in her hand. It is all over her hand. Both hands. And the toilet. And the floor. She had obviously taken her diaper off after she went #2 and poured it in the toilet. Nice. It tried not to panic (all the while I hear Ella asking when she is going to get her chocolate chip for going poopoo in the potty). What?! I had no choice but to disinfect my child and bathroom immediately. I give Ella a quick bath and begin work on the bathroom.

After I was done cleaning up the bathroom and the rest of the downstairs, I realize that it is already 30 minutes past Ella's nap time. I feed her lunch and tell her that it is time for her nap. I put her down to sleep and realize after about 20 minutes that she isn't asleep and is jumping in her bed. I walk in her bedroom and inform her that it is night-night time and to please lay down. She informs me that she needs to go "poopoo in the potty" right now. This girl can stall bed time like no other, and I knew this was just another tactic. I quickly take off her diaper and put her on her toilet. Then, I notice something on my hand...it is #2!! What?! Again?! This is not happening. I get upset with myself for not thinking to check her diaper before I quickly took it off. I run downstairs to get the wipes (because I had left them down there from this morning), and when I returned Ella was standing in the middle of her room with #2 all over her bottom! I clean her off and return to her bathroom where there is #2 all over the toilet seat! AND all over the rim of the bathtub because she had tried to climb in the bathtub when I was downstairs. I guess she assumed that a bath was naturally the next step after you use the restroom. I quickly cleaned up the bathroom and ran Ella's second bath of the day for her. I was going at light speed so that I could get her back down for her nap. I needed a little time to unwind...and not go crazy!

While I was hurriedly drying Ella's hair with the hairdryer in my bathroom, I notice her pulling toilet paper off the roll. I ask her not to do that, and not one minute later she reaches into the trash can to pull something out. It is a Clorox Toilet Wand Pad that I used to clean the toilet with earlier this morning! Breathe.

I finally got Ella down for her nap two and a half hours later than her normal nap time. I have no idea what diseases and side effects we will face after today's exposure.

In the meantime, in the spirit of giving thanks this month...be thankful this was not your day.

*If anyone has any potty-training tips for this worn-out mom, I would be tremendously grateful :)

A Very Big Week

2008-11-11T20:28:00.013-06:00

Nov. 10th - 29 years ago one of my best friends came into this world. What a joy it has been to share so many memories of childhood with him. He has a heart of gold and a ferocious appetite for Red Raider football (understandably). I love my brother more than I can ever put down in words. Happy Birthday, Brett.

Nov. 11th - My dad's birthday comes a day later and falls on an incredibly appropriate federal holiday for him, Veteran's Day. He's shown me time after time what it means to be strong and faithful and good. He'll always be my hero, and I feel like the luckiest person to be able to live near him now...after all these years. Happy Birthday, Dad.

Nov. 11th - This day is super important! 36 years ago my parents said "I do." What an example they set for marriage and loyalty. They still act like newlyweds, and their enthusiasm for life and adventure is incredibly inspiring. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

Signs of Winter

2008-11-10T17:20:00.009-06:00

One of our new favorite things to do on the weekends is travel to cozy mountain towns and discover all the hidden treasures that make them unique. The scenic drives are equally as enjoyable. Last weekend we visited the shops in Evergreen. This weekend it happened to be a drive on Route 103 (a.k.a. Squaw Pass Road) to Mt. Evans. It is just outside of Idaho Springs (about 45 minutes west of us). This road is the highest paved road in North America, climbing up to a final height of 14,130 feet. We didn't learn until we arrived at the Mt. Evans pass entrance that the actual mountain pass was already closed for the winter. We were disappointed, but still relished the views from Route 103 that took us back to Denver. We managed to snap a few pictures.

I fell in love with this stone bridge over the halfway frozen river.

After I took a picture of John and Ella, I tried to set the timer and make it in the picture too. As you can see (from the right side of the picture, below) I didn't make it. Yah. That's me trying to lunge before the camera flashes. Please try not to be jealous of my gazelle-like form:

We also came across this partially frozen lake. If the pictures don't convince you...the temperature dropped from 54 degrees (in the city) to 30 degrees in the mountains. Brrrrrrr.

Our last picture stop:

Surprisingly, it hasn't snowed in Denver yet. Tonight there is a chance of it, and I'm crossing my fingers.

On another note, our goldens (Sophie-the blonde & Sissy-the redhead) went to the beauty shop and came back all spiffied up!

Now it is back to the grind...and counting the days until next weekend.

Not sure where we went wrong...

2008-11-06T22:23:00.010-06:00

There are some days when I just feel like this whole parenting thing is starting to get a little easier (cue background hysterical laughter).

Today is just not meant to be one of those days.

Today, I walk in my child's bathroom to find her elbow-deep, swirling the toilet water wildly with her toothbrush.

The end.

"Trick-or-treak"

2008-11-03T09:45:00.003-06:00

The night before...

Ella's Halloween Top 6

1. Halloween means you put on your costume (which happened to be a mouse) at least 3 hours before you go trick-or-treating, and you make a trip to the mirror every 5 minutes.

2. Always squeal when you are running through the room so that the two golden retrievers pull you down to the ground and chew on your tail.

3. It is important to consume a piece of candy every time you think about it. If you get bored with the candy you are presently consuming, hide it somewhere and go on to the next most desirable one. (most of this went on without our awareness, and we found the incriminating evidence the next day)

4. Only say "trick-or-treat" (or in Ella's case, trick-or-treak) before the person has opened the door. That way when the person comes out with the candy and expects you to say it then, you can be silent as a mouse and create awkwardness for your parents standing behind you. Hence, nervous laughter on the parents' part.

5. Never assume you will always get candy in your candy bag. One guy informed us that he was all out of candy but that he would find something. He came back to the door a few minutes later with spare change that he dropped into the bag.

6. Sometimes, you don't need to say anything at all. Taking a few steps forward and plopping your candy bag down infront of you often serves the purpose very nicely. One gentleman even stated, "Oh. I guess we want to cut right to the chase."

As you can see, we still have a little tweaking to do before next Halloween :)

Well, hello again.

2008-11-01T09:43:00.009-05:00

I have to blame my recent blog hiatus on the fact that we moved into our townhome about two weeks ago and didn't get access to the internet until yesterday. The DSL guy that came to connect our laptop informed me that our computer had "issues" and was "messed up." Oh, and not to mention: "This is the slowest computer I have ever seen." Wonderful. I guess taking our computer in to get the virus(es) taken care of should be another priority in the near future.

John's parents were nice enough to drive up from Wichita Falls, TX (with all of our furniture) to move us in. I'm using the word "nice" loosely because driving a moving truck from Wichita Falls to a suburb north of Denver is nothing short of horrendous. We appreciate this more than they will ever know. When they finally arrived after their long day of driving (which started at 5 a.m.) we were beside ourselves with excitement.

We even managed to squeeze in a little time to bring the Smiths to Estes Park.

The famously haunted Stanley Hotel (Stephen King wrote The Shining here):

A herd of elk:

Ella was excited to show off her Halloween duds on the last day of their visit.Thank you Aunt Debbie, Uncle Ronnie and Matt for the Halloween bow, tattoos, and socks!A few days later we spent some quality family time doing this:Sorry, John. We know that you make many sacrifices to make the girls in your life happy--mainly your pride.Most of the boxes are finally unpacked. We aren't finished with everything around the house, but this is where we are now...

living room:

dining room:

Ella's room:

and her bathroom:

Halloween pictures coming soon!

Fall Pictures

2008-10-14T21:30:00.008-05:00

I couldn't help myself. I had to snap some pictures of this beautiful autumn day!

Eastbound

2008-10-13T21:48:00.007-05:00

A couple of weeks ago by little brother, Andy, graced our presence while on his long trip east. Buffalo, New York to be exact. The bed of his truck was packed and the cab was even more cramped. He accepted a transfer with the Department of Homeland Security about a month ago. We looked forward to this visit with excitement and heartache. On one hand we were thrilled to get to see him again. On the other hand we realized that this could be our last visit for a very long time. Anyone who has long-distance loved ones knows how sweet the 'hellos' are...and how difficult the 'goodbyes' can be.

During Andy's stay we visited the Denver Aquarium.

After Andy left we decided to get some painting done at our new townhouse. We don't move in until next weekend, but there are plenty of things to get done beforehand. Ella may not have been getting the attention she deserved. So she took her frustration out with the Dora band-aids in the diaper bag. If I were still a practicing therapist, I might have inferred that she was putting band-aids on the emotional wounds of "neglect." Then, she backed herself into my mom's lap and passed out. Of course the band-aids stayed put through the night and into the next day when we could peel them off in the bathtub. We miss Andy and can't wait to visit him in New York.

I Planned on Getting A Lot Done Today

2008-10-08T14:33:00.010-05:00

The laundry. Cleaning the bathroom. Eating lunch. Taking a shower. Replying to emails. The order and time was all planned out even before I got out of bed this morning. When, might you ask, is the best time to be productive when toting around a 2 year-old? Why, nap time of course.

Today, however, was different. After I fed Ella lunch and put her down for a nap, she resorted to crying instead of singing herself to sleep. I waited about 20 minutes before returning to tell her sternly to, "Go night-night right now." More crying and standing up for me to hold her. After a few minutes I gave in and picked her up. She tried tickling me (which feels a little more like pinching) to see if I would loosen up and smile. I kept my eyes closed and pretended like I was sleeping so as to set the example. I put her back down in bed to pat her back. More crying and reaching up to me.

In exhaustion I picked her up again. This time I tried something that hadn't worked in almost a year. I laid down on the bed with her resting on top of me. I stroked her back, and surprisingly she became quiet. I thought: This should only take a few more minutes before she is asleep enough to place her back in her crib. I went over in my head what I needed to get done after I put Ella back down again.

But a strange thing happened. As I felt the rise and fall of her chest I began to relax as well. It brought me back to a time, almost two years ago, when Ella was just a newborn and would fall asleep in my arms. Instead of placing her in her crib, I told myself then to just enjoy it because soon enough I would be back at work and missing every moment of it. And miss it I did.

Today, her little muscles twitched as she fell deeper into sleep. I was lost in the smell of her freshly-shampooed hair. Her chubby fingers were curled up under my chin. I felt her cheeks getting warmer and her soft, rhythmic breath against my skin. I couldn't help but be insanely grateful.

I planned on getting a lot done today, but I didn't; because holding my child as she slept was so much more heavenly than having a clean house or a laundry done. You see, I know that childhood escapes in the blink of an eye, but that knowledge doesn't stop it from continuing to slip through my fingers just as quickly.

I planned on getting a lot done today, but I didn't. Because for 22 months of my baby girl's life I sat at work and promised God that if he only let me have the chance, I would never take things like this for granted again. And the only thing worse than not experiencing things in the first place--is looking back in regret for not cherishing moments while you had them.

I planned on getting a lot done today, but I didn't. And, for once, I am okay with that.

Winds of Change

2008-10-06T12:50:00.029-05:00

The title of this post also happens to be the title of the above picture by one of my favorite photographers, Thomas Mangelsen. Change is a concept that describes our life at the moment.

I have prayed for the words to adequately describe what has been going on with us these past few weeks...really, these past months. We knew that this move would require a great deal of trust in God. However, we had no idea how much we would have to rely on it until recently. Our darkest and most blessed days occurred only weeks apart. It all started when John's job transfer turned into a nightmare of all sorts. Everything that seemed certain took an unexpected turn--in the wrong direction. I will spare you the details, but know that our faith was tested like no other time in our lives. We prayed not for stability and certainty but for strength and guidance.

A couple of days passed before a possible new opportunity was in reach for John. It was a better job opportunity than a transfer with his company. This position was in the same line of work, but it was a higher position with more responsibility. For weeks we waited and prayed as he interviewed. We worried about the toll it would take on all of us if it didn't work out. It had never been clearer how much of a gamble it was to move when we did. Everything had to align perfectly in order for things to work out. We began to question the "signs" that (in the past) seemed so obvious. We were scared. Had these strokes of bad luck really been signs from God to follow our hearts and take the plunge...or had that simply been what we wanted to believe so desperately?

Our answer came about a week ago when John was offered the new position. And the best part--he was offered a salary that allows me to stay home with Ella. [Sidenote: Me staying home with Ella was never a part of our plan when we decided to move to Colorado. John's previous salary didn't increase with a transfer, and we just figured that we would both continue to provide for our family. We never could have dreamed up the change that was to come.] We were overjoyed and humbled with the news. Suddenly, all the low points in the previous weeks and months appeared as stepping stones to this long-awaited new life for us--every one of them necessary and dependent on the other. Looking back we see that everything fits. Every turning point makes sense. God wasn't only pushing our faith to the limit...he was building our testimony.

There has been quite a bit else going on that I would like to tell you about at a later time, but right now I want the glory to be with God. This is possible because of Him and Him alone. One day we'll be able to tell Ella about the time when we took the biggest risk of our lives...and struck gold.

God is good.

First Hair Cut

2008-09-22T14:33:00.015-05:00

Today was a big day. John and I finally decided that Ella's uneven baby hair needed to be trimmed a little. The back was growing like crazy, and the front was still taking its time. Let's be honest, I've never really had control of my child's hair. We made an appointment here to get the job done.

Before:

This face almost changed my mind:

My mom, Ella, and I took the "first hair cut after-party" to Panera Bread for some Pumpkin Muffins and Bear Claws. If anyone had told me that looking down into an open envelope with baby curls would one day make me tear up, I would have laughed. In the words of Johnson & Johnson: A baby changes everything.

I would have to agree.

You've Got Mail

2008-09-21T15:31:00.009-05:00

Is it just me or is getting letters/gifts the old fashioned way (via the postal service) the most exciting thing ever? Sometimes I get a quick high when the mailman arrives with the daily stack of envelopes and magazines. I quickly sort through the bills and credit card offers for the first sign of familiar handwriting.

Last week I was battling a pretty tough case of homesickness when I discovered a large postal envelope with familiar handwriting on the cover. Only, it wasn't addressed to me. It was for Ella. The return address only added to my anticipation.

I waited until Ella was in the room before we tore into the parcel. This is what was inside:

It is the cutest little Halloween outfit, and I think I might need to get one in my size! Thank you so much "Sawa and Wussell" for your thoughtfulness and kind words. You have no idea what it meant to us...most of all, what it it meant to me.